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Original poster

Left me pregnant, slept with someone else and now wants me back

31 replies

Mummato2UK · 12/08/2024 13:05

My partner of 6 years ended our relationship when I was 6 months pregnant with our second child. We weren’t happy for a while, constant arguments, drifted apart and just over all wasn’t good for about a year (maybe more!) our second baby was not planned.. a month after he ended our relationship I learned that he was seeing a person for 2/3 months - I learned this information as I found a photo of him and a girl together. He apparently ended it with her because he said he didn’t have feelings for her - he wants to be with me and has said he used her too fill a void.

our second is 4 months old now and he has been consistent in his behaviour for the past 4 months and I have to admit I have not been easy to deal with at all (I have constantly bought it up, questions etc) he has been patient (so he should he put us in this mess) and continues to tell me it was a mistake he wants me, wants to be married etc etc.

he said he was going through a tough time and I thought I didn’t want him because I removed him and I completely went ghost and communicated / exchanged our oldest through family members.. he has now learnt that I did it like this because he seriously hurt me when he left.

do I go back with him and try work this relationship out? I feel betrayed and so hurt but the love I have for him won’t go away. I just don’t know if I can get passed this? If he was seeing this person for 2/3 months then I don’t get how he didn’t have any feelings involved? He bought flowers for Valentine’s Day and went on 2 public dates!

my mind is a mess.. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 12/08/2024 14:42

"Why would he do this?" Because he's a terrible person. He left you while you were pregnant and had a sexual relationship with another woman. Take it from a woman who was cheated on repeatedly in my first marriage--cheaters don't change. He may think he can remain faithful, but the next time he's stressed or thinks you're not paying him enough attention he'll be back out on the prowl. Cheaters don't cheat just once.

Mourn the relationship you wanted and thought you had but never did, and don't think for a minute that you are the reason the family is breaking up. He made the bad choices and is 100% responsible for everything that has happened.

I've been happily married for the second time for 34 years and counting. There are good men out there; your ex isn't one of them.

Parker231 · 12/08/2024 14:52

Mummato2UK · 12/08/2024 14:04

I am currently homeless at the moment and in a bed sit temporarily. The children are with me yes. He does help out financially - I must admit he has always been good with helping out financially for both me and our 2 girls. He works a well paid job but lives at his parents house because we had to move out of our rented home together as the landlord wanted to sale. We were asaving to buy a house together… he broke up with me Christmas so it’s only really been 4 months of us being apart but a year and a half I guess not living together. the other temporary place was a shared accomodation with another lady so it was awkward to have him there and because we were going through a horrible time he never really stayed with us. He distanced himself with the gym and going out with friends etc. The bed sit I am in now isn’t shared and is a lot more comfortable (he didn’t know I moved out the shared accomodation as I didn’t tell him at first, he used to collect our eldest daughter from my mums house when we weren’t communicating)

Show quote history

If he has a well paid job why hasn’t he rented you somewhere to live? He’s abandoned you and his children to a bedsit - it gets worse.

Channellingsophistication · 12/08/2024 15:01

It’s not very good if you can’t think of any positive qualities he has. He wants good communication and yet he didn’t talk to you about his feelings he decided to cheat instead and left you whilst pregnant.

Don’t understand why if he has a well-paid job, he hasn’t rented somewhere for you to live. He is ok at his parents house isnt he, yet you and your children are in temporary accommodation?

I honestly think it would be better for you to move into your own place when when it comes available and go it alone. I just don’t see what he has to offer in any way. If he gets away with cheating, then he will do it again the next time things are difficult or stressful and he feels there is a “void”

3pancakesplz · 12/08/2024 15:45

I don’t think cheating is black and white and I don’t agree that once a cheat always a cheat. I’m not saying it’s okay to cheat, it isn’t, but I think all circumstances are different.

With that ^ in mind I think your partner is a cunt. He left and cheated on you at 6 months pregnant - he’s now saying he wants to marry you and have another baby! Is he mad?! Why on earth is he even mentioning another baby when you’re still caught up in the utter mess he created when you were pregnant not that long ago? He is telling you what you want to hear OP. A man who wants to marry you and have a baby with you does not cheat on you when you’re pregnant.

mayve he has changed but a few months is not long enough to tell. Of course he’s on his best behaviour, he wants your forgiveness, he isn’t going to be horrible is he? That isn’t going to get him what he wants.

also, never feel bad for mentioning HIS cheating and for asking questions. I think that’s the very least he should be expecting and nor should you ever apologise for that.

Parker231 · 12/08/2024 17:11

3pancakesplz · 12/08/2024 15:45

I don’t think cheating is black and white and I don’t agree that once a cheat always a cheat. I’m not saying it’s okay to cheat, it isn’t, but I think all circumstances are different.

With that ^ in mind I think your partner is a cunt. He left and cheated on you at 6 months pregnant - he’s now saying he wants to marry you and have another baby! Is he mad?! Why on earth is he even mentioning another baby when you’re still caught up in the utter mess he created when you were pregnant not that long ago? He is telling you what you want to hear OP. A man who wants to marry you and have a baby with you does not cheat on you when you’re pregnant.

mayve he has changed but a few months is not long enough to tell. Of course he’s on his best behaviour, he wants your forgiveness, he isn’t going to be horrible is he? That isn’t going to get him what he wants.

also, never feel bad for mentioning HIS cheating and for asking questions. I think that’s the very least he should be expecting and nor should you ever apologise for that.

In my world, there are no circumstances where cheating is acceptable.

Original poster
Mummato2UK · 13/08/2024 12:05

Just want to say thank you to all that has answered. The past year (especially the last few months) have been so tough! You are all right in what you are saying… I need to get my act together if I am honest. Thank you again everyone x

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