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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dead beat dads

2 replies

Gettingbysomehow · 12/08/2024 12:59

Not sure what I'm asking . Just a hug or something or some valium. Or maybe just a rant.
I am so SICK of DS's deadbeat dad.
He left me to bring up DS alone and didn't pay 1 penny of CMS despite earning much much more than me. He was not chased up as he decided to move to Europe.
I still managed to buy us a home and we did OK despite him not seeing DS until he was 18.
Now he has moved back to the UK some years later and he decided he wants a relationship with DS.
He didn't send DS a gift for his recent big birthday or even a card.
DS is buying a house and I'm providing him with quite a lot of financial help as well as general advice and help because I want him to have his own home.
I found a suitable house for him as he was really busy with work and his boss couldn't give him any time off so I went to look at houses for him and found a fantastic house in his price range.
I asked exH if he could also contribute something/anything even just some advice and he said he's too busy has no money so once again it's all on me.
He's constantly badgering DS to go and see him.
He told him recently he's not leaving him any money in his will because he's already got a house.
I was furious. I'm just so angry.
I'd rather DS didn't see him at all but I cant tell him that because he' an adult.
How dare he come back when DS has grown up and ask him for a rationship.
Has anyone got any similar stories? They might make me feel better.

OP posts:
Dinkiedoo · 12/08/2024 13:09

My ex was same. Didn't give a penny so I brought son up on my own. Never stopped son seeing dad but I didn't have to so didn't.
I would just leave them to it. Your ex is showing your son what a 'see you next Tuesday' he is. Be there to support your son but keep your opinions to yourself. Your son will form his own . Hopefully he will see his dad for what he is and stop seeing him.

tribpot · 12/08/2024 13:22

I think all I would say to DS is that he isn't obliged to see either parent now he's an adult, and it's up to him to decide what he wants to do. You, however, don't need to have any contact with your ex whatsoever, I would resolve to never contact him again. I would say a lot of what he's saying to DS is stuff he wants DS to tell you, to piss you off and make you as angry as you now are. So I would practice detaching from it and saying 'well, that's his choice' a lot when DS mentions stuff to you.

Totally agree with @Dinkiedoo this man is a prize See You Next Tuesday.

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