Why am I attracted to guys with trauma or who openly show emotion or cry in front of me?

[rgbr]

It’s not that I want them to suffer and no it isn’t a fetish in that it doesn’t increase sexual attraction, but somehow makes me more into them in the emotional and loving sense.
From what I’ve heard of other girls it’s not normal, if anything it’s a turn off.

For example when watching Baby Reindeer I wished I could have been his girlfriend at the time, helped him through it etc

This has made me stay longer in dysfunctional relationships and in some ways made me fall deeper for guys who have issues.

Cant get a therapist at the moment so using MN as the next best thing haha

It just shows your sensitive and so are they, I cry occasionally,

@AEJISOK I swear this would be a turn off to most girls though?

I'd look into codependency. It sounds like that.

Could be a million reasons and it's worth exploring in therapy.

Surely this is extremely common. It's a stereotype and cliche for a reason.

But your not most girls, and that's a good thing, we're all different

Yes!
Op is there something in you that needs to feel needed so that you won't get left?

Didnt you post this earlier? Just phrased it differently?

weird.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5140323-to-always-fall-for-guys-with-some-sort-of-trauma-in-need-of-emotional-support?reply=137484893

Are you trying to base your preferences on what other people like, though? If not, isn't it totally irrelevant what other people like/dislike?

I think most women fall in the middle of a spectrum that runs from "I want a strong man who never shows emotion ever and eats nails for breakfast" to "my boyfriend must be a senstitive fwuffy bunny who is never afraid to show his emotions." I do think that what people say they like is heavily influenced by the conversation around them. At the moment there is a cultural pushback against the sensitive "male feminist" archetype. Also its influenced by how much stress people are under/how dangerous the world feels and even where women are in their menstrual cycle. Personally I really value men who can regulate their emotions, exhibit good impulse control. But that's not the same thing as not crying (the amount of men who thinks stoicism is just not crying. Sigh)

You are maybe a naturally nurturing person so fall further along the spectrum than most. But with baby reindeer for example, he isn't just sensitive/showing his emotions/a bit vulnerable. He is in a quite self destructive state (and as you say traumatised). If you are attracted to that, its good that you are aware of it and that its not healthy as I think it would be easy to wind up in a toxic co-dependant relationship if you picked based on that.

Does any of this sound familiar? The Drama Triangle - Psychotherapy Resources

I don't think all of us arm chair psychoanalysing you is a good idea. But it might also be worth considering if there were similar roles played out in your childhood/family for example. Not necessarily that anyone was abusive or anything like that (this isn't a "your family have clearly messed you up, go NC post."). Just worth considering if there are any unhealthy patterns you accidentally learned that you could work on changing.

But yeah, a proper therapist would be able to do this better if there were issues.

You posted exactly the same thing yesterday or the day before. Go back and read the responses. They won’t have changed.