Distance

[JR0]

I've recently started dating someone. We get on so well and can chat for hours. We met OLD and it's like we've know each other forever. We've had a few dates and had the chat about just seeing each other.

He's a full time single dad and I'm child free.

We live about an hour away from each other so spending time together can be hard. So far we get about one day a week together. We haven't spent the night together yet. He usually has to get home for the kids (I totally understand this and is a big part of what I like about him). Between his work, my work and the kids we can't fit any more time together in.

We have arranged for him to have the kids stay out and for me to go stay at his this weekend. I'm excited for a weekend together.

I'm just worried this relationship is doomed and getting hurt. Mum is completely out of the picture and he doesn't get much help with the kids as people have them to let him work.

I've only ever dated men from my local area.

Any ideas how we can navigate this?

Why? Single mums manage it.

We've had 5 dates. But talk daily

The problem is that this is normal.

Anyone who works full time, and is a decent parent, doesn't realistically have time for more than once a week.

I found the ones that did are basically walking red flags, as it essentially means they leave the parenting to the other person, or don't have hobbies, or don't have friends, or don't have a job.

I don't have time to date, so I don't. For me, a bloke who would tick all my boxes, also wouldn't have time timo date, so it's a catch 22.

I did it for years. Where there is a will and all that.

Op how old are the kids? And do you want kids yourself?

Personally I would find it hard to date a man with no kids as lifestyles are so different and I certainly do not want more and would worry if the man did want kids. The distance did not bother me with the ex although in hindsight it benefitted him more than I and apparently it is a red flag to want a distanced relationship but it did work for me too given the circumstances as we both had our kids, his was 50/50 and me all of the time, both worked and studied etc but we did see each other every weekend and it was easier when the kids eventually met too. We were a 90 min drive away from each other.

How did you manage it @Psychoticbreak?

Babysitters?

Yep I had to use sitters and it was costly but I also was in love and stupid lol

I'm glad it worked for you. I think that would be the only way it's possible.

I couldn't bear the thought of paying for a babysitter to date. Especially when 99% of the dates I had were a waste of time in terms of finding someone decent! Luckily, im happy single now.

Well I thought I had struck gold as my first date with now ex went so well that I thought it was worth the spending and for a few years he was great but sure true colours hidden and all that. I am not sure I want to do it again though. I dont want to be alone but I dont want to date either which makes no sense but I would be too afraid to trust again.

No we broke up last year after some years together.

Has he been open about the circumstances of him becoming a lone parent? Not unheard of, but unusual. What's he said about his DC's mother being totally out of the picture?
Then there's life plans, if you want DC's but he feels done with that, it's a fundamental incompatibility.

Honestly, I think the best thing anyone can do for themselves is to discover that being alone is not only just fine, it's often preferable.

And reframe it. Being alone isn't scary, it's peaceful, you're free to do whatever you want, and with zero negativity or compromise.

@arethereanyleftatall Oh I know this. I was single for almost a decade before putting myself out there again. I am happy being single now but the kids are of teh age they will not need me for much longer and it would be nice to grow old with someone :)

So the kids range in ages from 13 to 8, he's a widow

I'm at an age where kids may never happen for me, before now I just wasn't in the right relationship to have them. Would have loved some of my own.

I just want to know if it can work. I know all relationships are a risk.