Hi all Please see below for some preface
posted the below previously
((I've been with my partner 4 years on and off. We had a very strong sexual relationship when we first started. I broke up with him two years in due to the lack of physical intimacy and touching/kissing as I felt unloved and unwanted. When previously approached he said that if I kept forcing the issue its going to make him want to do it less.
He was very put out by me breaking up with him, got very obsessive/jilted (had to block him on everything including my work email).
When we got back together, the relationship has been good in most senses. He says he loves me ,doesn't want to lose me, wants to make me his wife. Initially the sex was often whereas now (1 year in). It has depleted again and I'm lucky if it is once every month or two. When we have had conversations, he said he would like me to initiate too as I tend to be very shy. I struggle with this due to the previous break up and not feeling wanted. The few times I have initiated , 1 out of 3 he will say no. (too tired, has smoked too much wacky, its been a bad day)
We had an argument around 4 months ago as I found he had been watching porn etc whilst we were both in the house. I brought this up due to me having the feeling of, if you have a girlfriend and don't have or initiate/want sex with her, yet you will have a wank in the living room? He was also looking at onlyfans and on thirst trap Facebooks of younger models.
On every other level, he is lovely, has a nice family. Is often up and down with his jobs but is always employed.
We have a 15 year age gap, him being my senior and no children if this is relevant.))
I have now approached him to say that I am not happy and that I don't know if this is going to work.
He lives with me so I would need to ask him to leave.
The response I received from him is that we need to work on things. I just said to him I will give it a shot and see where we are. We went to the harvester for meal and it just felt quite forced. The conversations we are having feel forced in general feel forced. I don't know if I have already checked out.
He said he needs be to be more 'attentive' since this discussion about me not being happy as I have been distant from him and he is getting anxious.
I am struggling to voice my thoughts without unintentionally hurting him , I have pretty severe anxiety and depression and I feel as though he is trying to manipulate me into staying even though I am unhappy.
I don't know how to approach him.