Hi All
I would really appreciate some advice. I think I am being gaslighted - I am not always sure I am doing the right thing.
Last year my husband of 11 years (18 years together) said he wasn't happy in the marriage and he felt his physical needs weren't being met. We have a young daughter who is 6 and admittedly things had gone off the boil. We were both working, busy and had both become complacent. I was devastated and begged him not to leave me but I agreed my needs weren't being met either and I was happy to work on it and go to marriage counselling etc. Then later that evening he then said (with our daughter asleep next to him), how would I feel about him getting his needs met outside the marriage - like an open marriage? I said no and was devastated. I knew at that point he had probably cheated on me. I asked him to leave and he went to live at his parents.
Two weeks later he admitted he had been meeting another woman late at night he had done it four or five times but it was 'not what I thought'. I did hear him have a shower and go out late at night, at the time he told me he was driving our new car to test it - I feel so naive now. There was also one night he didn't come home and told me he had been working late in London and stayed in a hotel. My life then was a blur, I lost weight, I was in shock and completely devastated. It has taken me months to recover. My work were very worried about me and all said to leave him.
Anyway then he begged for forgiveness and said he 'didn't mean it' and still loved me and wanted to come home. All of my family said leave him - he is not telling you the truth and it was an insult to ask for an open marriage. They also said he is not telling you the whole truth, So I went to a solicitor and started divorce proceedings.
In the meantime I have been on dates with someone else who is lovely however I cant help worrying am I doing the right thing. Should I give my husband a chance? He has been quite nasty since he found out I have been dating someone else and is making the divorce proceedings very difficult. His family and him are now telling everyone I have left him for someone else! They forget to mention what he did!!!! I have also found out through the divorce proceedings he was paying an unknown woman in the same period hundreds of pounds (£1800 in total). This suggested to me an escort however when I challenged him he went mental and said he would be informing his solicitor but then didn't clarify what these payments were about.
Despite being 12 months ago the pain is still very raw. As we have a daughter together I wonder if I should try to give it a go with him for the sake of our daughter or should I get on with my life and put all this behind me? I would be interested to know what you would do?