Anyone know what the secret to happiness is.............???????????

[cosieblanki]

Because the older I get the further away from 'happiness' I feel!!

Nothing major wrong, kind hard working dp, gorgeous Ds, professional job which I mostly enjoy etc etc.

Its just life feels hard, really really hard and I'm not sure what to do to get out of this negative mental rut.

I get so bogged down in the seemingly relentless grind of life that I feel lost!! I don't know where the optimistic me went.

Am willing to take a virtual kick up the arse but if anyone else feels like this or has any nuggets of wisdom, bring them on!!

ahem

if you get any conclusive answers on here, a summarised, esy to swallow version to my inbox would be most appreciated.

ta v much.

The secret to happiness is to stop looking for the secret to happiness. If you constantly strive to improve your lot then you will never be satisfied.....or you could wallow in self pity like me and shoot envious looks at anyone slimmer, prettier, wealthier etc!
Look at all that is good in you life,look at all that isn't and try to think what would make you happier.New career/qualification?

Sometimes life gets like that when it does, I always make sure we have something to look forward to.

It doesn't have to be huge, a trip to the beer garden, breakfast in town on a Saturday when DS has finished his swimming lesson.

In the winter, we make our Sunday dinners a little bit special, we will plan a nice starter before a roast dinner. Or on other Sundays we will set up cinema and we all take turns to chose a suitable DVD.

They are only little things but if you are constantly looking forward, it is harder to be negative. IYKWIM

HTH

How old is DS?? Think this is kind of normal when your kids are young and you are busy working.
A hot bath good book and a glass of wine always work for me. Or a night out with girlfriends ?? Or with just yourself and DP???

I recently read 'eat pray love' which I thought I would find terribly annoying based on the premise (30 something leaves husband and spends a year searching for pleasure in Italy, spirituality in India and 'balance' in Bali) but actually really enjoyed.
Exercise??? Am finding this an impossibility atm but I know my mood is better when I do.
Failing all that if funds allow book a nice holiday or weekend away.

Well I think....

Being grateful for the things that are good in your life - reminding yourself about them - it's so easy to focus on the fact that your kids answer back/fail to tidy up etc and forget to congratulate yourself on the fact that you HAVE kids and they are wonderful and healthy and yours.

Accepting the things you can't change - even if they are hard to deal with like deaths or bereavements. I don't mean not allowing yourself to feel sad - but just accepting that bad things happen in all lives and that it's not happening to you for a reason.

I think the old adage of counting your blessings has a lot to be said for it. When I have gone through dark times in my life I used to send myself to sleep by listing all the reasons I was/am lucky. It worked for me and now I am in a happy patch I try to do the same thing so I don't get complacent.

Counting

What about if each of you, including your son, takes turns to pick an activity for the whole family at the weekend? If you pick it on Monday then you have something to look forward to all week.

I wish I knew. I seem to be congenitally unhappy (this from dh).
I feel like I have so much to do, with my life I mean and I'm not sure I can fit it all in or do it without hurting people.
I recently went on holiday with my mum, left dh and kids at home and have never felt more like me in my life, I wasnt a wife, I wasnt mum, I wasnt working, I was just me and it felt bloody wonderful

I think if you accept that life is hard and that there will always be problems to solve then it helps you to stop feeling hard done by when these realities come to the fore.

If you are not afraid of pain you can get through most anything and make fundamental changes in your life if there are obvious things that are making you unhappy.

The secret to happiness is also looking outside yourself (as well as in) so adopt an elderly person or do some charity work as a family (litter picking round a local beauty spot).

it feeds the soul..........honest

accepting yourself and other people

A lovely glass of red.

The beach.

A hot bath, with or without DCs.

A cuddle in the morning.

A brilliant book.

A good film.

Good friends.

An unexpected email.

Dark chocolate.

My bed.

My DSs.

My Mum and my Brother.

Yes - it is a litany, it's the Catholic residue in me . On the days and weeks, that I have too much to do, the stress pushes all these lovely people and moments out of my head. But being a list-person, I have a book with some of them written down - writing them down even makes me feel happy.

Some excellent posts. Love 1066's list. The only thing I'd add is that i think genuine happiness is also an ability to feel comfortable on your own, in your own skin IYSWIM. All the other things - a glass of wine, an evening out, sunday lunch etc are great, but the people i know who strike me as truly happy have a kind of inner calmness, an ability to 'go with the flow' and feel comfortable even when things arent lovely and relaxing around them.