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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this just me being triggered?

4 replies

wayfarer46 · 11/08/2024 21:00

This situation has already been resolved, it wasn't a big deal overall. I'm just looking for some input on whether I'm being hypersensitive, perhaps triggered by being in a previously abusive relationship.

Anyway, my boyfriend was going to walk to a little store that's literally 100 yards from our home. He invited me to go with him and I said I wanted to go, but needed a minute to get ready. We live in the Caribbean and I wanted to put trousers on so I wouldn't get any bug bites. I also wanted to put on a bra as I don't like going out of the house without one, I feel embarrassed without one. (I don't care if others wear them, only me.)
So I'm gathering my clothes and he's following me with a stream of commentary on how unnecessary it is to be putting on anything more than shoes. He's not saying anything mean, just saying it's such a short distance, and nobody cares, stuff like that. After about two minutes of him carrying on like this, I turned to him and said, "if you don't feel like waiting for me, you don't have to." This response hurt his feelings and he started getting defensive, saying, "I was just giving you a hard time, I don't really care, you can put your stuff on." And then he said he didn't want to go to the store anymore, and went and laid down.

As the situation was happening, it felt to me like he just wanted me to hurry up, so he was passive-aggressively trying to make me skip these things that he views as unnecessary. But I don't know. If I hadn't said anything, he would have waited as I got ready, but the commentary would have continued the entire time. I know it wasn't necessary for me to respond.

I just want input as to whether I'm being hypersensitive or what.

And a few minutes later he came out and apologized and said he wasn't trying to be mean to me and he would wait patiently however long I needed to get ready.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 11/08/2024 21:03

The whole thing was really ridiculous. Move on

Circumferences · 11/08/2024 21:06

It sounds like he was being really annoying with his comments etc, but to be fair perhaps he felt you doing a full wardrobe change was excessive.
So you both annoyed each other a bit. That's all.
If you're still dwelling on it, it's probably you being a bit oversensitive at the moment..

SD1978 · 11/08/2024 21:17

For a quick nip to the shops, I would be irritated by a full wardrobe change to be honest, a 5 minute walk, suddenly turns into a faff around. He assumed that if you were coming, you'd basically leave the house then. When you told him you needed to get changed, he needed to either accept that, or suggest you stay behind because the faff isn't worth it, you were both at fault.

GreyCarpet · 12/08/2024 08:21

SD1978 · 11/08/2024 21:17

For a quick nip to the shops, I would be irritated by a full wardrobe change to be honest, a 5 minute walk, suddenly turns into a faff around. He assumed that if you were coming, you'd basically leave the house then. When you told him you needed to get changed, he needed to either accept that, or suggest you stay behind because the faff isn't worth it, you were both at fault.

Yeah, this.

If my partner nips out to the shop, he'll ask if I want to go for the walk and I do the same to him but we both mean we're ready to leave and it's a case of standing up and going.

If outfit changes are required, we both just say thanks for asking but no.

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