I’ve checked out but planning

[Changingplace]

I’m over ‘D’H, sick of his drinking, staying up all night, drugs, disappearing, laziness, selfishness, untidiness, lack of care of me or our home. Too many stories/incidents, don’t want to live my life like this anymore.

I’m going to leave, but (due to aforementioned laziness and procrastination) there’s a tonne of stuff round the house that he’s been saying he’d do forever. I want them done so in the long run it’ll sell quicker if it all looks tidier so I’ve made a plan and I’ll do it all myself/get workmen in if needed.

Stripped the wallpaper in the spare room this weekend, will decorate next weekend.

He thinks I’m just getting it sorted, but once it’s done I’m telling him we’re getting a divorce :) I actually feel quite motivated!

No kids involved, years of infertility, ivf, we were approved for adoption but he’s not fit to be responsible for kids tbh. I may return to talk to the adoption agency and do it on my own in the future.

I’ve got a good job, half the equity will get me a nice little house, scouting rightmove and seems pretty doable.

Onwards and upwards! Anyone else planning ahead?

I do hope you go through with it.

Just tell him and crack on with divorcing him. The sooner the better.

Wallpaper in the spare bedroom won’t make the difference between your house selling or not, and seems like maybe a bit of an excuse to delay actually getting on with divorce.

Oh it’s more than just the wallpaper in the spare room believe me! The carpets are literally falling to pieces disgusting and more, honestly right now I’d actually be embarrassed for an estate agent to take photos and market it.

Good for you. I've been preparing to leave for a while - managed to move some items (sentiment) out of house I know he would destroy if got left behind. I'm currently in the midst of de-cluttering and doing jobs like yourself to hopefully enable the house to sell quicker when it goes to market.

I've already had the discussion about splitting and selling - he keeps saying he will change, is attending a course to help with his behaviour - every time I start to thinking about letting my guard down and that may be he is changing he will do something that re-affirms I am making the right decision.

Don't let him drag you back in - I've had a few weeks of good - thought earlier today maybe he is starting to turn the corner - just now I've been called a "c**t " by him as I've set the 9 year old's kindle to have some parental controls (it's not even like he wanted to use it or anything) - I knew it was coming as I could see the shift in him once he started drinking about 5ish. He's just got better at being manipulative.

Keep the motivation going and the sooner you get it done the sooner you can start living the life you want 🙌

Stick with your plans @Plantoleave - I might move some stuff too, not that I think he’ll destroy anything but it’ll make things easier, good idea.

Sorry you’ve been spoken to like that, imagine when we’re rid of having to put up with all this shite!

We’ve discussed splitting too, he won’t go, he’s actually too lazy and disorganised to bother, but I can largely ignore him a lot of the time so I’d rather plan ahead.

He works away quite a bit so once I’ve sorted the house a bit more I’m going to get a proper valuation done too so I know exactly whats what.