Living alone post divorce

[CleanShirt]

Looking for some positive stories!

Divorce almost finalised and I should complete on my own place in 2 weeks after stbxh very unexpectedly upped and left in January. No children.

I've been in a friend's spare room since April and am starting to get a little panicky about being on my own for the first time in my life at almost 40 - I've always lived with friends or a partner. I'm very grateful to my friend for taking me (and the cat) in but it's definitely shown me I'm too old for house sharing.

I'd really love to be excited about it and I know that building my own place entirely to my tastes is lovely, but the sadness of the divorce and the panic that I've found myself here is taking over.

Ah congratulations! I’m recently divorced but I have children. The positives for me are making all the decor/job decisions and seeing progress without anyone standing in the way! Plus the peace when I’m home alone. The biggest is my freedom. I am retraining so have a lot of focus on that. But consider all the things you want to try/do and go from there. It was quiet and odd at first but you will find your way. Good luck.

I love it, but absolutely know what you mean, and it's reasonable to feel like this. I would say don't rush yourself to feel good/relief. It'll come if you don't feel it yet. Get some projects under way, do things that make it your space. Are you in the same area? making yourself get out and meeting people and developing your own network will help.

Maybe make sure you have plans coming up?

Thank you. Weirdly I'm moving back to the area I first moved to when I left home. I still have friends there - we've not been mega close over the years but they are really rallying!

In my head I'm going to join meetup groups and get hobbies and do all sorts of stuff but in reality I'm just scared (and will have a lot less disposable income!).

Really good advice not to rush it.

You'll be fine! It depends on what you like to do. I was coming to a new area and only knew one family. So I started in exercise groups and a sports team, and again, didn't rush it, but now I know more people. I figured even if it was just to make acquaintances who I see in the supermarket and that's the case, it feels nice running into people.

I sometimes just sit in my living room and take in that it's all mine. I did it. It's a wonderful feeling.

Even when you have a dark moment, feel lonely etc - remind yourself that your property is yours. No one can suddenly blindside you and flip your world upside down. You now have control of your own destiny and if you meet someone else you want them to enhance your life, not become your foundations. Harness the feelings you had when everything fell apart and know that you're empowering yourself to prevent it happening again.

Also enjoy decorating with what you like, making solo decisions in all areas of your life, and being spontaneous. No checking in with anyone before doing anything - just own your own diary and make plans freely

In time it will be liberating, but with hard times at the start

It’s a different life and you will have moments of doubt but the more you embrace your single life, the more you will love it.

Id never lived alone - I was 48 when we separated and my DS was 11 and lived with me 4/5 nights a week. The first nights he was at his dads and I was alone I cried and slept with my bedroom light on.

My DS ni lived with his dad n oh at of the time due to proximity of his college though I still see him most days fir a couple of hours but i absolutely love living alone the point I can’t imagine ever cohabitating again. I love my peace and space - I think I’d resent anyone else being here and invading that now.

It’s natural to feel nervous, but you will quickly get used to it. I had a policy when I left my husband that I would accept all invitations for the first six months. I did some things that I didn’t particularly enjoy, but at the end of about six months I had a much better idea of what I wanted to do more of/who I wanted to see, and what/who I could pass on.

it takes time to get to know people in a new area, joining some sort of hobby group is the best way to meet people. You may have to be a bit proactive in suggesting drinks/coffee, that’s not my strength but if you’re lucky someone else will suggest it.

I love living alone and I’ve never wanted to share my home with anyone again!

My divorce lawyer suggested I should view my first home alone as a stepping stone. It really helped me. 20 years on I recall that period in my life as being like completing a jigsaw; trying lots of new things and meeting new people. I threw myself into work, decorated the house exactly as I wanted to and bought a dog; he gave me a reason to exercise daily, whatever the weather and helped me make new friends locally.

I hope you’re as happy in your new life as I have been. I’ve moved house again - I became much clearer about what I wanted a year or two after my divorce - and I’ve never looked back.

Good luck!

Try accepting friendly offers from other women. Maybe try to be a little more friendly than you perhaps have been.

I was completely panic stricken at the thought of living on my own post-divorce and it was tough to start off with. I'd go to the supermarket after work just to kill time and not be by myself. But I love it now. My home is my safe place, it's decorated just how I want and I have little nick-nacks scattered around that remind me of happy things. I love it and don't think I will ever live with anyone ever again! You'll be fine OP, trust me.

The excitement and nerves will arrive. I think the trick is not to rush yourself. Don't expect to be out 5 night a week from moving in day. Shrink your world to what you can comfortably cope with, and then expand out from there.

My dm was widowed at 72, and had never lived on her own. It took her about 6 months to create a new life for herself, hobbies, volunteering, holidays etc.

You'll be fine 🙂Good luck

I love living solo.

So much better than some asshole man around in the house.

I travel alone too. Met fabulous people. You just have to get chatting. Smile and say hello. Everyone has amazing life stories.

I am still on FB with many of them.

Fuck the man who did not respect you. Just respect yourself. It's the bottom line.