How to make my husband fancy me again

[Loungies]

Just as the title says really.

We've recently argued about it and he said he still does (feel like it was said to keep the peace) but his actions don't fully match his words. He'll give me hugs and quick kisses.

I can understand why he doesn't. We had a baby this year, I put on over 4 stone with pregnancy. I've lost 2 stone, but I'm obviously still much heavier. My tummy is saggy, I've got lots of stretch marks. I look older.

I think I've done ok to lose the weight I have so far (traumatic birth has slowed that down). But there's things I can't change, like my tummy and my saggy boobs. Well, not without surgery.

He said we're just busy and don't have time to be intimate, but he has lots of hobbies he always finds time for, so I don't accept that comment completely.

I think loosing weight will help, but that will take time. He's a good Dad and husband, but I don't feel like his wife. It's been over 12 months now.

What can I do?

Ask him what he wants to do about the lack of sex in your marriage. Does he want to split up or keep going how things are? Would you be happy in a sexless marriage? It's a problem that needs to be solved, one person (you) can't do it by yourself.

Madonna/whore complex

You have to tell him that the lack of a sex life is a problem for you, and it is going to damage your marriage, so it needs to be discussed and a compromise found, else your marriage won’t last.

He may well be off sex, but he can’t just shrug it off. If ifs not something you can figure out between you you might need some relationship counselling.

My husband and I might be an anomaly but we both lost our mojo when we had a baby's and didn't really start having sex again until after a year. I think mostly down to tiredness as our little one was a terrible sleeper. I don't think it's uncommon for sex life to be compromised for a while after . Our child is a bit older now and things are back to normal. Might it be that rather than him not fancying you?

@Apileofballyhoo
He doesn't see it as a problem, he says he's happy with the way things are and he's not bothered. But sometimes he won't tell me things straight away - so if it is my weight that's off-putting he's not going to admit it until afterwards, he's done similar before.

@JenniferBooth I really need to give this a good Google, I've never really taken much notice of what it is before

@theduchessofspork I'm not very good at explaining myself, I think if I said it's a deal breaker he'd either say fine just leave, or he'd 'force' (for want of a better word) himself into doing something to keep the peace, which I certainly wouldn't want neither.

@blipblopblip Thank you, I hope it is partly just that

Thank you all for the replies x

I wouldnt make it all about a couple of stone and a saggy tummy. He's probably not bothered about that. Try and focus on other stuff.

Depending on age of baby, can you suggest you give baby to friend/ GP for the night + book a proper date night in?
Maybe ask him to help you pick out a cute lingerie set you feel comfy in?
Then go all out with takeaway/dinner, candles etc?

I know that's not sustainable to be regular, but I think one or two really hot nights where you reconnect has a knock on effect & re-ignites the passion a bit.

Also, please don't worry about your body changing. He'll be way more attracted to sexy confidence & flirting than caring whether your boobs are the exact same shape etc! I think if you make an effort with appearance (shower, bit of makeup, hair or whatever) & initiate kissing, touching etc, he'll probably go for it x

OP other things must be bad if you said it was a deal breaker and you think he'd just leave. Do you not love each other?

Abit of weight gain/body change shouldn't bother someone who loves you for who you are.

Is he depressed?
Has he checked out of your relationship?
Could there be someone else?
Could there be a medical issue?

I wouldn't start with sex, I'd say you want to rebuild your connection, take sex off the table completely. Arrange some dates - activities/ time for just the two of you. Laugh together, enjoy each others company, kiss, hold hands.

See where it takes you, if he doesn't put the effort in you need to consider if he wants to be with you. If he doesn't want sex ever you need to consider if this is a deal breaker.