There is a lot of background to all this, but ultimately I have not been a great husband to my wife, we have been together over a decade and since meeting her, I was blown away and yet oblivious to my actions causing upset and issue.
I’ve messed up more times than can be counted and always apologised and promised to do better, only to cause upset again.
ive been hit with the revelation of it all and see how bad I have treated her, that I have had self esteem issues and fears that I wasn’t good enough which projected onto her and made us both unhappy and act out towards one another, but I accept i was the start and the problems were mainly of my making!
it has caused so much damage and upset and although I am now doing much better and have and will continue to work on myself so as to feel better and be better, there has been a lot of other things going on and it’s all to do with trust!
I have damaged the trust that my wife has for me and even though I am doing much better with things, which she sees, the issue of trusting and believing me when talking about the past is still an issue.
i understand that she has cause to m doubt, i know that as much as I am better nowadays, it’s a big change for having been such an a@s& in the past and that it will take time to heal and for us both to work on things.
however, she believes I have done so much more, that i have been all over the internet and apps looking at women on porn sites, dating sites and apps, chat site and apps, live cams and pretty much anything and everything you could imagine.
Now I have admitted to the things that I had done and used, but absolutely none of this type of stuff, but apparently it’s all over my history and phone as well as my laptop, which I don’t understand why or how she says this as I have never, yet my word is meaningless and she doesn’t believe me, thinking i have accounts in names similar to other user names and they just don’t have anything to do with me,she’s shown me a lot of the things that she believes is me, but it has nothing to do with me, yet trying to prove that is impossible.
I’ve let her have full access to everything, phone; laptop,
passwords, bank accounts, everything and although there is nothing there, she still finds something and constantly accuses me!
we have reconnected recently so much stronger and pure, having both divulged our thoughts and feelings over the years and yet this adult content I’m accused of is simply something she can’t let go of as her worry is that if I am lying about it, then I’m still lying and not being honest and truthful so how can we move forward on that basis.
now I understand where she is coming from,but i have totally told her everything, bared my soul snd feelings and how i have felt, yet still, this keeps becoming an issue and now she is thinking of leaving as she just doesn’t believe me!!!
I don’t know what the heck is or has been going on and this situation is at critical point, yet it’s based on bull£&@7 that is nothing to do with me, HELP??!!