Just posting for a bit of a hand hold really. Feeling really low tonight.
In summary, from posts on here and talking to friends, I have figured out that I’m married to someone who has a narcissistic personality style. If anyone knows the Lundy Bancroft types, ‘Mr Sensitive Abuser’ is my life, minus the physical aggression bar one shove once.
We are in couples therapy but early days. I’d asked him to leave but he refused. So I will need to go and uproot DC. He will only talk about our marriage within couples counselling so hence that’s what we are doing.
He has told me that I’m a neglectful parent, I’m as ‘bad as my mum’, I have caused his relationship issues with his DC, friends and family, I’m the reason he never sees them, blamed me for his failed businesses, told me no one else would put up with me. When he’s calm he says he doesn’t really believe these things.
None of it is true. I used to be the one to try and get him to see friends and family but I leave him to it now. I am not perfect of course but I’m definitely not the ogre he paints me as.
He has gone out with friends tonight and I’m imagining if he didn’t come back and all I feel is peace. I could relax. It feels so sad to acknowledge that. I also know he will be telling them how awful I am but in a way that doesn’t make him look mean ‘she does her best but…’ ‘she doesn’t mean it but..’.
He will be carefully managing how he comes across and they will fall for it hook line and sinker. He’s very charming, has loads of stories to tell, often involving how kind, humble and giving he is. People love him. I did once, until the scales fell from my eyes.
Im going to be the idiot woman that broke her family apart and left such a good man. Who was an ogre to him and treated him so badly poor thing. No one knows the truth bar a couple of my very close friends. No one local does.
Any way. There is no answer, I know. I’ve just got to leave. I’m just so sad it’s come to this. And how did I not see it before?!