Is our relationship over?

[ToniMacaroniPastaBlasta]

I have been with my husband for 25 years and have 5 children ages between 21 and 11.
I am currently experiencing peri-menopausal symptoms and am also on antidepressants. The medication helps greatly with my mood.
We have had intermittent issues over the years. These mainly are due to his lack of communication (he is not one for 'chatting'), his inability to share anything with me e.g. if I have upset/annoyed him he will never tell me, but would rather not speak/pull an exasperated face and when I ask him what's wrong/ have I annoyed you he will just say 'no'.
The other main issue for me is that we only get things done or planned if I instigate it. I would love nothing more for him to make plans for the future with me/to make any kind of plans but he doesn't.
A smaller issue is that if his lack of ambition. He is happy to stay in the same job for years and years, never looking to earn more money or asking for extra perks (which other staff members do and receive). I feel that as we're getting older, and have more freedom, we should be making plans/sharing dreams/having fun but he just seems to be happy carrying on with the status quo.
I have spoken to him, on many occasions, about the issues above. He always agrees with this and says that he will make more of an effort but this never happens.
I know that I can be hard work and that I do annoy him and also probably don't act in the way that he would like, but it is so incredibly frustrating because he refuses to accept that this is case. However, I do feel that this is just so as to avoid any possible discussion, or perhaps he is just happy with things are?
I really don't know what to do. I have raised the possibility of us splitting up due to neither of us being particularly happy but he pretty much brushed this aside and said that he would not like to do this.
Apologies for the lengthy post - this is the first time I have ever put all of this down.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I don't think you've got much choice but to make your own plans. Whether any include him is for you to decide.

If you are out and about living life to the full he will have a clear choice - and if he still isn't interested in joining you then that tells you all you need to know.

OP I feel for you. It sounds like you’re living on crumbs. Would you consider couples counselling?

Thank you - that is appreciated.
I think what I find most difficult is knowing whether I am being unreasonable or not. As he never tells me, I feel that I am always trying to navigate everything by how I think he feels! This is incredibly frustrating but also I never really know if I am behaving in an unreasonable way.

Sounds to me like there is a lack of communication going on, coupled with a lack of motivation from his side. Doesn’t sound particularly fun, OP.

Imagine your life in five years’ time. What would you like it to look like?

It hardly matters if you are being reasonable or not. The relationship, as it is, is not acceptable to you and he isn't willing to change his ways. You aren't happy. You don't need to justify a decision to end it.

When I look to the future I do see us together, but I can't imagine going through the rest of our lives like the way we are! He doesn't seem to see anything wrong with this though.
I am to blame for not really doing much. We both work full time. I feel very tired a lot of the time so like to not do much on an evening.

Thank you.
I did suggest this some time ago but he was not interested.

How old are you now? 49? Or 72?

How does he behave when you're unwell? Does he look after you?

Before you jump to breaking up with him, I would try saying that you are unhappy with the status quo and that couples counselling is non-negotiable if he wants to stay together. You have said that when you imagine your life in five years, you imagine/want (?) him in it, but not with the dynamic you currently have - I think CC could really help and you have the right to insist on it.

We're both in our late 40's but yes, I often feel 72!
He does look after me when I am unwell, but I always feel that he only does this because he thinks that it is his 'duty' and because I have pointed out to him years ago that he tends to ignore me when unwell or needed him.

You've got a lot of children and coming out of the fog of looking after young children. It's takes some adjustment and catching up with each other and the relationship in my experience. I guess he's the person you married and decided to have a family with. You can't imagine not bring with him from what you say. You need to take some time and try to communicate and think about what you might achieve separately from him and whether that's enough to keep you together. Sadly the grass is not always greener.