Now he wants to talk! Child Maintenance

[Falalalalalala81]

I haven’t seen my LG’s father since I was 13 weeks pregnant. Despite saying at the start it was my body and he would support my decision, he changed his mind and demanded I have an abortion which I refused. To be fair, we were more in a FWB situation when I fell pregnant and was a shock to both of us.

Anyway, when my LO was 6 weeks old I messaged him to let him know she had arrived just in case he maybe wanted some involvement. He read the message, didn’t even reply and blocked me on all channels.

I decided to go through CMS to make him at least financially responsible and lo and behold I get a message from him today looking to talk. He would have had to unblock my number to send this message. I replied saying that I would prefer that it was dealt with by CM but he wants to meet in person to discuss.

Has anyone any experience of this? I’m assuming he shit himself when he saw the letter and realised he would have to contribute on a financial basis. I could of course just block him and ignore any further requests.

Any advice appreciated.

I’m just wondering if there are any benefits to organising this outside of the CMS platform? Probably only for him!!🤔

Child maintenance amount is the minimum he should be contributing. You could meet him and talk but I would make it clear that the financial aspect will be dealt with by child maintenance. They'll check the amount he should be paying every year too incase he gets a pay increase. If he pays on time every month then no fees are deducted.
Personally If he hasn't bothered until now I wouldn't be entertaining him but that's entirely you choice.

Cms will require him to pay a minimum amount. The only ways he can legally reduce it is to have his child regularly overnight, or he can reduce his income, he could move abroad or he could have children with someone else.

He could suggest one of these but not likely), or he could try to persuade you to drop the claim.

I'd be very wary.

Child has a right to a relationship with their father. Amicable would be helpful.

Unless it is harmful to the child

@Falalalalalala81 I wouldn't engage with him until finances are sorted through CMS.

Guy has unplanned baby via friend-with-benefits, doesn’t react particularly well: doesn’t make him harmful.

'I'm not prepared to discuss maintenance with you - I am leaving that to the CMS to arrange. However if you want to meet to discuss contact I am happy to do so. Let me know if you now want regular contact.'

Make it clear you're happy to meet to discuss visitation but cms can deal with maintenance?

This. My guess is he has been contacted by CMS to say he has to start making payments and now he wants to meet you because he is really pissed off. I'd be really wary if I were you OP

Thanks so much everyone. As he is only getting in touch after receiving the child maintenance letter I am getting the impression that’s what he wants to discuss. He wants to come to my house as well which I’m not comfortable with as would prefer to meet somewhere neutral. I really didn’t expect to hear from him after the blocking but I suppose when you’re worried you’re actually going to be out of pocket!!

This is exactly what you should say!

I would just reply asking what he wants to discuss. If he responds that he wants to discuss maintenance payments only then don’t engage. However, he may just have been taking some time to process the fact he is now a father and perhaps has decided to step up. If that’s the case and he wants contact with the child, you owe it to the child to meet and discuss this (provided he poses no risk to the child of course!) and to promote contact if possible