How to navigate peri with an oblivious partner

[periat45orsomethingelse]

I’ve been in a relationship for 2.5 years with a lovely guy. More recently, I have found myself questioning if I would be happier alone, despite the fact he is actually pretty nice to me and we have a good relationship! Most of this is down to the feeling of just wanting to be alone as sometimes I find him so bloody irritating.

I have been feeling literally incandescent with rage over the last few months, about anything and everything. The man asking to see my train ticket, any slight noise, my dp talking over the TV and today (the reason why it has clicked this may actually not be ‘normal) an announcement at the train station which actually had nothing to do with my train but somehow made me murderous 😂

Although my periods are still regular, I’m thinking perhaps I am in peri and should see the GP to think about HRT.

Before I up and leave because of the constant irritation I feel, just wanted other experience of peri/menopause in relation to rage/irritation. Is this a normal symptom, and if so how did others navigate it with their partner? He’s not the most empathetic of men so probably would not understand if it’s hormonal but I probably shouldn’t feel so incensed with rage when he tells me to park in a certain position or insists we walk round the supermarket a certain way etc etc.

How did you all remain out of prison get on with your partner at this stage or your life - or is it just a symptom of getting older?

Fatigue was my worst symptom, also had anxiety and joint pain (feet worst for me). Waking up at 5 or 6 unable to get back to sleep. I found Nighttime Kalms good for that as I'd sleep through but some people get bad dreams on those. Cold flushes are a thing. Lots of women never get hot flushes but they are definitely the thing most people seem to know about.

Dry skin and hair, itchy skin, sensitive facial skin, electric shocks, lack of libido, insomnia, heavy periods, palpitations unrelated to anxiety, i.e. getting them when perfectly calm, increased urge to go to the loo or waking up at night time for the loo, which I didn't do even when heavily pregnant. Lack of motivation to do anything (fatigue and anxiety don't help). Trouble with word retrieval, even simple words like one day I couldn't remember the word three. Memory loss (forgot to tax one of the cars and realised about 4 months later), trouble concentrating. Night sweats, I'd wake up with my top soaked. A bit of paranoia/over sensitivity where I'd read into things people said. Getting overly upset about stupid things. But hot flushes not really a thing for me at all.

That’s so interesting with those symptoms which you don’t really hear about. I definitely have the dry and itchy skin, hair thinning and now you mention it the getting up at night for the toilet (I can count on one hand in my adult life when I have need to see at night - until a month ago)

Lack of motivation - definitely and just lack of interest in doing anything. I really struggle with WFH as I just can’t motivate myself to do anything. I thought it was just me being lazy/unmotivated but all these things make sense now.

I know menopause has had more exposure in the last 5 or so years, but it needs so much more signposting to support as it’s such a massive thing and very difficult to pinpoint why you are feeling these things. My friends of the same age are all saying we are too young to experience any symptom to do with the menopause but i think once you read these discussions, it’s clear it’s y what it is

My main menopausal symptom was aches and pains - even things like going down the stairs or getting up in the morning were painful - HRT definitely helped with that.

Also mood swings, irritation, depression, lack of motivation to sort my life out - I won't say it was a magic bullet and made all of that go away, but it has definitely helped level my moods out. My daughter and my partner both think I am calmer and easier to live with since I started it.....

If you decide to make a GP appointment, it is worth asking for the practice expert on HRT - I do think it is still the case that some GPs have more knowledge and experience of it than others. I was lucky as my practice actually has a GP who has been through menopause herself - she was brilliant, so it was definitely worth waiting to see her......

It's difficult though isn't it - some of the things your partner does, like his weird supermarket behaviours, do sound genuinely annoying, so you can't put it all down to menopause! But at least if you do something to address the parts of your irritation that ARE menopause based, you will be in a clearer position to take a view on your relationship and whether it actually enriches your life. Nobody is perfect, so you can't expect him to be - but do you love him despite his faults, and would you miss him if he wasn't around any more? That is the question.

Good luck!

I’m 46 and starting peri menopause I think , without a supportive partner I think I’d really struggle and I’d be wondering if it was better to have no partner than an unsupportive one !

How is everyone getting HRT? My GP won't prescribe it on the grounds that my hormones are "normal" and introducing HRT "unnecessarily" is not good for me. I'm 47 with symptoms that suggest peri but apparently it's not. I know NICE say go off symptoms not bloods after 45 but GP insists. I can have anti anxiety medication if I want though, having been on antidepressants before and struggled to get off them this is not something I'm keen on.

wow are you ladies on here that have been prescribed HRT and testosterone for low libido etc actually getting this on the NHS or private health care? because where I live I cannot even get a blood test from GP to see if I'm peri due to all my symptoms it's like I'm just expected to just cope and get on with it. I'm mid 40s and in the north of England, maybe it's that postcode lottery health care thing?. I also know of many other of us suffering peri women in our area that also cannot get HRT etc so not just me unfortunately. And yes I know and understand NHS is struggling but it just amazes me when I see womens different experiences of the NHS on here.

my GP won't even do bloods to check if my hormones are "normal" as they've now stopped offering it. I'm assuming it's cost cutting which means women are left to suffer without HRT.

I’m North East and get mine on NHS. With the testosterone when it was first prescribed, my GP had to contact another specialist with my symptoms as she didn’t have the authority to prescribe. The response enabled my GP to go ahead with treatment.

My menopause rage was epic. I hated my husband, my boss everyone.
HRT made everything go back to normal but it was too late for my marriage. It never recovered.
I didn't have hot flushes during the day but my night sweats were awful.

@zeddybrek sorry for the late reply. I use Rheal Balance Tonic every morning, it’s been a game changer for me.

I went on HRT purely due to the emotional symptoms. The rage, the hopelessness, the anxiety.

Also there's good information for partners out there if he'd be willing to read it.

This is good: menopausesupport.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Understanding-Menopause-for-Men.pdf

Add vitamin D to this brilliant list.
Achy joints can be caused by low levels as well as brain fog