Stay or go?

[anonamum123]

Considering separation after finding out about my husband’s emotional affair with a girl half his age. He did have a physical affair before we had kids - 12 years ago. The EA didn’t last long, but he lied a lot at the time, had contact after I found out and didn’t admit it until I had proof.

Life as a single parent - Did you feel guilty separating the family? Even if you’re not to blame. How do you leave someone you love and when do you know for sure it’s the right thing to do? Does it get easier, and is there a chance to meet someone who won’t cheat?

Or can he change and we move past this in hope it won’t happen again?

I’m so sorry you’re in such a difficult situation, OP. Ultimately no-one can tell you what the right move is for you, or whether your husband can change - though I will say that the signs really aren’t good on that front.

I left my ex-H four years ago after discovering he’d used sex workers for years and was planning a trip away with one. He’d lied and lied and I had no idea. It was an easy choice, as continuing the marriage was out of the question for me. He’d crossed a line so important there was no way back.

It’s been very painful but I don’t regret it for a second. It’s given me the space to be the parent I wanted to be (but wasn’t) and the kids are in much better shape than they were before - they’re happy, resilient and well-adjusted. He pulled his socks up too on the parenting front, and we had separation counselling to help keep things amicable.

Someone once said to me that it’s not divorce that screws kids up, it’s parents separating badly. Divorce can be done well, if it’s the right move for you. Good luck, OP.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this—it sounds incredibly tough, and it’s understandable to feel torn. Making a decision like this is never easy, especially when there are deep feelings involved and children to consider.
When it comes to staying or leaving, only you know what’s truly right for you and your family. It’s natural to feel guilty about separating the family, but remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you’re respected and valued. Trust is such a big part of any relationship, and it’s hard to rebuild once it’s been broken.
That said, people can change, but it takes a lot of work and commitment on both sides. If you choose to stay, make sure he’s fully committed to rebuilding that trust and that you’re both willing to put in the effort to heal and move forward.
On the other hand, if you decide that leaving is the best path, it can be a difficult transition, but many find that life does get easier over time. And yes, there are definitely people out there who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
Take your time, lean on those you trust, and know that whatever decision you make, you’re doing what’s best for you and your children. You deserve happiness and peace of mind.