Apologies for the v.long post, but any feedback massively appreciated.
I have always lived with my dad, ever since him and my mum split up when I was very young. We are exceptionally close. I still live at home, though now with my husband! Happy living arrangement in large property.
The issue is that my dad has ‘adopted’ another family. God knows how he met this girl, but he and her developed a friendship many years ago and it seems to me like he is obsessed with her and her family. He even refers to her children as his grandchildren and they call him grandad. This in itself isn’t a massive issue, but the fact that he always puts them ahead of our family is causing huge divides.
For brevity, some of my gripes are:
- he buys her shopping every week (food shopping)
- he takes her children to school every morning (it’s a 30 minute drive to their house for him to do so and they only live 1 bus stop away from the school)
- he drives them to see her mum whenever she wants - this is probably fortnightly - and it is a 120 mile round trip
- he drops everything and runs every time she clicks her fingers, usually involving him having to spend money (he has paid her debt collectors before and also paid to fully furnish her her home)
- whenever he is drunk at night (which is very often) he loudly mutters to himself about them, moaning that I won’t have anything to do with them and how much he loves them (I refuse to have anything to do with them)
- he also lends lots of her family money and they often call him to ask for more and don’t pay back
- during covid, he still did their shopping every week and I went mad at him for putting our home in danger. He claimed he was trying to protect the children and said that my husband going back to work was him doing the same thing
- I Helped him pay for a new car when his broke and it took him 2 years to pay me back, all the while he was still paying to fund her lifestyle
- when my uncle was being discharged from hospital following a medical emergency, he was not there to pick him up as he was with them and said that it didn’t matter as I could pick him up instead
There are a million and one other things, but it’s too long to go into! Everyone I know and who knows us agrees that he is obsessed with the family and sees how he treats them so much better than his actual family, putting them first at every opportunity. He claims the opposite, that we are obsessed with them and are denying him any happiness as they make him happy. All I can see is my dad being used by a woman who is half his age, has kept producing children that she cannot afford and who now has a female partner who uses my dad in the same way she does.
The nail in the coffin for me was when I saw texts on his phone where she called him ‘daddy number 2’ and he referred to her as his daughter. I was and still am distraught. Without going into a long family history, I have always been 100% loyal to my dad and our entire life we have been there for each other. This feels like a betrayal.
I am now not speaking to him and all he will say is that he is not giving his other family up, even if it means losing me. AIBU?