New job, needy husband!

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So I've recently returned from Maternity leave for the 3rd and final time and have landed myself a new job. It's a considerable pay jump and I'm returning to a career I started 7 years ago (it was put on the back burner while I had the babies). My husband was super supportive during the interview process and was ecstatic when I had the offer come through. I'm 10 days into the new role and loving it.. my husband however has become incredibly needy all of a sudden. My new job entails long days to start with meaning he has been picking up more than his usual share around the house because he works from home, his job is fairly flexible and we are BOTH now working full time. I'm dealing with a bit of mum guilt taking this job but I know it's the best way to give myself and my family everything they need. I'm sorry this Is such a long post, I wanted to give as much background as I could before I ask if it is wrong that my husbands sudden neediness infuriates me?

Of course it's not unreasonable. I think a lot of men (unmeliciously) underestimate how much their partners do until they have to do it themselves. It's a change in dynamic and his inner child is confused.

Well done you, that's amazing that you're owning being a mum and working. Lots of people were very shocked when I went back to work full time ("but what bout dd?!") but no one can know what's right for your family. One day the kids will be grown up and it'll be amazing to still have a great career to stand on.

Talk to him. This is an adjustment for both of you and you might need to keep talking about it.

But hold the line. He needs to pick up his fair share. Mum guilt is real, and it can make you do all sorts of dumb things, but you'll only be doing it to yourself, and resentment will inevitably follow.

So talk to him. Be clear about what expectations for both of you and stick to it.

And congratulations on your new job. What a wonderful opportunity 😊

Congratulations on your new role, all the family are going through a massive change in lifestyle, which will take time adapting to and is probably hard work until you get into a routine around work, home, DC and DH. He’s probably feeling the change the most, for the past few years you’ve done most of the childcare and he has been the main earner of the family and maybe a little jealous that your career is exciting for you.

Perhaps with the higher income you could have a cleaner? DD and DDIL both started having a weekly cleaner. DS and DSIL both do their share too, but having the basics done gives them all more time.

I had this when I returned to work after the third baby.

DH, like PP said, had gotten used to dinner on the table and everything taken care of when I was on mat leave. He got too comfortable basically.

We did chat this through BEFORE I returned to work about how the division of household labor needs to be fair again - but the reality is, his inner child was confused.

It's an adjustment and we worked through it. I'm so proud of what I've achieved since taking the leap.

But it was a transition period for us and it was hard. I hated him a LOT in the early months for being such a twat and the resentment built up. But I had to keep the communication going and it worked.

He's probably also feeling a little insecure how you're earning more and doing well.

I suspect the dynamic has shifted ever so slightly and he’s feeling a little insecure?

Why is it dd and ddil that have a cleaner? Don't ds and dsil also have a cleaner? This kind of language definitely doesn't help.

DD and DDIL told me (at different times) they had decided to have cleaners once they returned to full time work. They discussed it with their DHs. The cost comes out of shared household expenses.