...or is it him?
Sorry this is long. It's a function of my exasperation and worry.
ex DP left my home on Friday, i thought we'd agreed that he'd have the children 4 days/ 3 nights sat-tuesday one week, then Mon, Monday night and Tues the following week. That's 6 days/4 nights in a fortnight. I also suggested he come over to have dinner with them and put them to bed on an additional night each week, but he refused that. Of course he has them half the holidays, and he always takes them to France/ Holland.
I haven't asked for maintenance moneyand I let him take with him everything he ever 'paid for' for the children (cos he was working while i was giving birth etc so it was 'his') including their furniture.
He's been living in my house rent and bill free since September (except for half a month's rent in March) in spite of earning £10,000 illegally since then. I've supported him for 1.5 yrs in the past while he was too depressed to work.
I agreed he could come to stay with me when I rented this house although we'd already split, because he was unwilling for my mother to come to help me with the children. This was in spite of the fact that he had told me he was considering returning to France to start a court case to get the children returned there and resident with him. It took him until December to decide not to do that. He continued, however, to 'threaten' to leave for France on a regular basis until last week (I would jump for joy for myself! But not for the children...)
So I did all this, and now, he refuses to return the children this evening (they are 3.5 yrs and 2yrs) on the grounds that I had promised Tuesday evening also (I didn't), because it's his 'right' to have them fifty fifty.
And now he wants half the child benefit and tax credit too. He's already applied to them and they say I'll have to justify why I should get it.
He's worked 3.5 yrs out of the last ten, still gets Dutch disability benefits for a mental illness he had a few years ago (depression/ panic attacks) and has between 150,000E and 200,000euro in a Dutch bank.
He is very good with the children, does more than most fathers, has taken care of them on a Monday and a Wednesday (though the boy is in preschool most of Wednesday) since I started work in December, and I don't have a problem with the children being with him. It's me that he behaves crappily towards. I have been bending over backwards to avoid a scrap, though the temptation to kick his arse to hell has been overwhelming at times. I hoped to be on friendly enough terms and I've tolerated endless threats, aggression , blame, accusations of lying, etc etc to that end.
I am debating whether to go to court for a residence order as there's apparently nothing I can do about his refusing to return the children. He has said he won't even return them tomorrow morning if I don't agree to his demand as to when I should bring them back to him.
However... I'm afraid I can't protect the children from the consequences of such an almighty fight.
So- should I go for a residence order, or should I carry on negotiating, trying to satisfy him? thing is, I feel really sorry for the children, not having a main home, and I feel like I'm selling them down the river for the sake of not upsetting their father to the point that he causes major trauma.
Sorry it was long.