Have you got ‘mum friends’? Where did you find them?

[Redfin17]

So I have two DD (5 and 2) and have lived in the same town 7 years, but I feel like I still don't really have proper friends here. We did NCT with DD1 but the group has drifted - I still see 2 of the others occasionally, but always separately; there is no ‘group’ anymore to speak of. We dont have any family nearby. I work 4 days per week a 30 min drive away, but colleagues commute too and aren't local to me. Neighbours are all seniors and bc of work i am only at school gate twice a week so limited opps for connecting with ppl there. I am lucky to have other close friends with young kids but all 1hr+ away so don't see them as often as i'd like.

I do see others in a similar positions to mine who seem to have networks and friends they can visit with the kids/meet for coffee/swap occasional favours with, so i know it must be possible to forge these friendships - but how do you do it?! We go to playgroups etc and i feel like am
a fairly friendly/chatty type, and I try to attend school events as much as I can - what am i missing?!

You’re not missing anything you just need to give it more time. If you’re going to meet any other parents it will be at the many many school events and birthday parties that you’re going to be attending over the next 10 years.

Thanks @Divebar2021 - I guess I just hoped that 5 years into motherhood i’d have a bit of a network. I know you can't force these things, it's just it can feel a bit isolating when the kids are this little - i’d love to have a few local friends before they become teenagers. But if it's not to be yet then i guess i am lucky to have some good ones at the end of the phone!

One of best friends I met at NCT, our DDs are best friends & despite the fact they go to separate schools, we see each other at least monthly & message weekly - we have to make the effort as we're both busy.
Another set I made friends with at playgroups with my DS - a lot of shared interests & similar sense of humour, parenting styles etc. Our partners get along too & we do games nights & dinners.
Others are parents at DCs school. I joined the PTA & became Chair - I didn't know anyone at the school (DD had a attended a different nursery) so I made the effort to get involved & put myself out there so to speak. I made friends with parents with kids in different years as well my DCs years & I can definitely rely on them for favours etc & we work together well on the PTA stuff.
I didn't know any of these people 10 years ago, so it is possible to do it. I'm not the most gregarious or outgoing person, so it was an effort & I failed a lot with other people (ignored, rebuffed, ghosted etc) but these ones are my core friends now & it's great.

Never did nct….not into stuff like that…..had 3 to 4 mum friends from toddler groups….not close friendships but trips to park and for coffee and to each others houses for play dates…..friendships phased out after kids started different schools…couldn’t be arsed when they started school….. just kept my own friends didn’t seek out any new mum friends…..my kids are all grown now and I am good friends with only one mum from my kids primary school days….who I have known 23 years now ……met most of my friends away from the playground…..at 59 with 3 school age GDs …..I now have some granny friends …..who I’ve met since doing nursery and school runs

I developed a group of friends who had dc the same sorts of ages as mine, from Church. Someone just invited us all round for a glass of wine one night (leaving the dc with their other halves) and it developed from there.

Other people I've become friends with through our dc being friends, happened gradually over years of school / swimming / cubs / football where you stand or sit next to people over time, and you help one another out by sharing lifts, etc. Or you find you are walking in the same direction at the same time back and fore to school (or Brownies, or dance , or whatever).

I have some "mum friends" but they aren't really proper friends- like PP said mostly for play dates, company out. They're alright but we don't have much in common and I prefer if it's several of us so there's less pressure to keep up conversations. I only like 1 to 1's if I feel really close and comfortable with the person.

I didn't meet anyone at nct myself as didn't do the official one. Made an absolutely brilliant friend through the school (same class). I don't have tons of mum friends but I think it's quality not quantity, and she and I are actual friends who socialise rather than for our kids.

With all three of mine I made mum friends by attending the local playgroup.

The eldest (about twenty five years ago) I had a group of about 6 of us and we would do trips out, coffee etc. We all worked part time so would meet on days off. It drifted once school started although we started having odd nights out together. But by time kids were in senior school I wasn't friends with any of them anymore. No issues just a natural fade

Middle one (twenty years ago) I made 3 friends (I was still friends with original group too) we did playgroup together but didn't really meet outside . One woman I stayed friends with past playgroup the others I didn't. The one I stayed friends with we fell out about 8 years ago haven't seen her since.

Youngest (ten years ago) made a group of friends at playgroup about 8 of us. We did soft plays, coffee etc. By this point we had smart phones so stayed in touch easier. Started to drift once school started but I am still friends with two of them. We chat, one I see maybe every few months , the other every couple weeks.

I never made friends at school gate that I didn't already know.

My NCT class didn't really gel. Most of my Mum friends are from the nursery and I feel lucky to know them.
Our DCs are now 15-18. Over the years, we've had regular but not frequent catch ups. It takes effort to maintain and develop friendships. I've taken the initiative many times to organise and arrange things (I'm not a natural extrovert, so it is an effort sometimes). Try and organise a mums night out, do stuff with the DCs in the holidays (e.g. beach trip). Kids parties are always a good opportunity to socialise. Try and find the people you have most in common with. It all pays off, but it really develops over time (I've found).

Thanks everyone - sounds like its just down to having patience (and a bit of luck finding ppl you click with!).