Husband always thinks talking and sex solve everything

[Ciarasteina]

Yesterday, my husband humiliated me when I was talking to him about content for a story I was writing. I was shocked and angry, as we've have these chats before and he always said he enjoyed them!

I left the room to clear my head and do chores and later told him that I was not happy with his "aggressive belittling of me" while I was being open and vulnerable to him. We have a deal where if he's interrupted me, I will immediately end the conversation and walk away... Which is exactly what happened.

In the bedroom, while I was getting ready for sleep, he apologized, said he enjoyed my stories and wanted me to continue. I said "don't worry, I won't give you any reason to be a "d" again, I'm not talking to you about my ideas anymore. Again, he apologized, disregarding what I had just said.

Then he wanted sex... We had a huge fight just a week ago, where he said I used sex as a weapon, so I told him I'll never say no to him, even if I'm not in the mood. He apparently forgot about that, so I allowed him to use my body (consensually, I did agree to it, without pressure, just didn't care to). He got off, of course, while I obviously didn't. He asked if he could do anything for me and I said he could get off of me so I could shower and go to sleep.

Cut to the next day and he thinks everything from last night is done and dusted, so I had to remind him "just because we had a talk you didn't listen to me about and had sex I wasn't in the mood for, doesn't mean we're ok, or even "better", as he said he thought things were today.

Now he's ignoring the situation altogether and wants to talk about anything else (I'm currently typing this while he's rambling about sushi or some BS). What the heck do I do?

Now he's ignoring the situation altogether.

You say that he belittled you when you read a story - do you mean that situation?

I'm guessing that since you had sex, he believes it's been dealt with.

What the heck do you do? Talk to him about how you felt belittled and ask him not to do that again. Hopefully he'll apologize.

What did you want him to take from the statement "I'll never say no to you even if I'm not in the mood"?

Does that mean that he'll never truly know if it's wanted sex or not because you'll never say no? Hopefully not because that's fucking bleak.

Humiliated is also a strong word which evokes a certain reponse in the reader without you actually saying what was said.

I don't know, but it doesn't sound like a happy time in your relationship - do you actually want to stay? Or has it descended to mentally keeping score?

I think you are using sex as a weapon... "letting him have sex" with you is beyond weird and then you want him to feel guilty or ashamed about it... it's sort of the definition of using it as a weapon.

Insisting he must never interrupt you... also weird. I think it can be a fine line between never listening/interrupting and normal flow of conversation but to instantly shut down the conversation and leave is weaponising conversation.

He's not behaving well either but everyone else has already said that. Your marriage sounds pretty awful so either try and fix it together or make plans to seperate. You both deserve better.

This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever read. What a bleak relationship. You let him ‘use your body’?! Wtf? Why would you have sex with him when you don’t want to? If you’re still angry at him, why not have an adult conversation and work through it?

It sounds like you have serious issues. Your husband too.

OP you get off on being a martyr

This post is so disturbing

I’m afraid I’m with everyone else in saying there are so many strange things about this, but feeling for you as that’s probably hard to read and not maybe what you hoped for in posting. I’m not sure if you’ve adopted this view of sex through his influence or you both have an unhealthy relationship to sex of your own making.

But bottom line - saying ‘I’m not having sex’ because you feel angry/hurt/simply can’t be arsed is not ‘weaponising sex’. And the answer to any different views on this should not be ‘I’ll never say no to sex’. That’s crazy and surely not what you actually want. I wonder if you might both consider some therapy to get a bit of help looking at how you both communicate and what’s really going on.

There you are then. He's saying that your feelings doesn't matter to him.

Op in the nicest way possible,
you sound really, really strange. How did he humiliate you? That’s a really strong word. And then you were mad because he interrupted you? You sound like you’re treating him like a child. 😳
And then you have sex with him despite not wanting to? How on earth is he going to know what’s going on when none of it makes sense?

Good god 😒

You can’t have sex with him which implies you forgive him and then decide to carry on the argument the next day.

He should not want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want it.

This relationship is so fucked up.

It just doesn’t work and no amount of ‘rules’ are going to change that.

You’ve both tried to make the relationship a success - great.
But how long do you carry on with this joke of a relationship?

I agree!

I don’t think I’ve ever read something so odd in my life.

I've got the ick

None of this is ok. Why are you together?

What a fucked up relationship - on both sides. The sex situation is horrible, but you sound like really hard work. How did he ‘humiliate’ you. Were other people there?

He thinks you use sex as a weapon because you’ve just admitted you had sex with him despite not wanting it (ew???) and then you’re still angry? It’s very confused. He’s not going to understand. Please do not have sex if you don’t want to. And how long as you telling these in depth stories for?

Yeah and he’s not going to take you seriously if you have sex and chat with him after. Doesn’t sound like you were humiliated at all

This, sounds like you're wanting everyone to say 'oh poor you!' But actually sounds like you hold all the control and it's a very very disturbing relationship. Absolutely hope there's no children in this relationship.

This this this this this this this this this.

all of this. It’s some kind of kink.

also no one sounds nice at all

She said he stopped when he realised she wasn’t into it.

the whole thing is beyond pathetic and gross. Down to “we agreed I’d leave the room if he interrupts me”.” Fucking hell just split up! Like really really really it is so bloody boring when people act so self righteous about their arguments when if you’re having that many arguments that you have literal rules of engagement you’ve created specifically for you as a couple you should have called it off yonks ago!

boring

Absolutely. And now expect the story content was also some kink type thing.

Yeah I also think the op is obviously enjoying being 'used' and normally I'd be saying the bloke is abusive but something about the way this is written and portrayed

Op you sound medically unwell. There's no way he will be thinking about you saying 'well I'll never say no again then!' in an argument about weaponising sex to be literal. He will assume you were making an offer hand comment. Because to mean it literally would be stupid, and cutting off your nose to spite your face.

You need to grow up. You need to handle criticism of your story or whatever else better. You need to stop playing childish games and playing the victim.

You should probably be single until you work through these issues.

We had a huge fight just a week ago, where he said I used sex as a weapon, so I told him I'll never say no to him, even if I'm not in the mood. He apparently forgot about that, so I allowed him to use my body (consensually, I did agree to it, without pressure, just didn't care to). He got off, of course, while I obviously didn't. He asked if he could do anything for me and I said he could get off of me so I could shower and go to sleep.

You'd never say no to him? You allowed him to use your body ‘consensually’?

Utterly fucking horrified by this…

Please be a creepy fucking troll bloke poster getting his jollies… (never thought I’d wish for that).

I said "don't worry, I won't give you any reason to be a "d" again, I'm not talking to you about my ideas anymore.

I told him I'll never say no to him, even if I'm not in the mood.

This comes across as tiresomely melodramatic and manipulative