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Relationships

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Original poster

Husbands daughter feeling left out

3 replies

Emilie32 · 08/08/2024 19:21

Hi MN

DH has a primary school age DD from previous relationship. We also have a toddler and a baby on the way. When I was pregnant with toddler, I left DH to let DD know and prepare her. He spent a lot of time alone with her and when baby came, he didn’t involve her at all. He made no effort for all of us to spend time together incase DD was jealous. I believe he had guilt. So basically instead of becoming a family, it felt all separate. She did start to feel left out. When she comes to stay now though she absolutely loves playing with toddler. She is a fantastic big sis. I think he did it all wrong though when toddler was a baby. So I’ve asked him this time if we could involve her more. He’s agreed.

Is there anything I can do to make it really special for her? I want it to be about her too and to feel a part. I was thinking of getting her a big sis card or something.

OP posts:

WhatALump · 08/08/2024 19:24

Can you take her along to a scan? Maybe do a gender reveal with her? Get her to pick out a special cuddly for the baby and get her a gift from the baby for when it arrives like maybe a big sister necklace or something?

Sheelanogig · 08/08/2024 19:26

I like the idea of taking her out shopping to buy a gift that she selects for the baby.

And a big sister card and little gift when baby arrives?

mindutopia · 08/08/2024 20:52

I actually think the approach he had was probably quite a good one. I would think less about what special things can she do for the baby? And more, what things can you do to make her feel special and like her own individual when baby arrives?

One-to-one time was actually really important with our older one when our youngest was born. I think we did get her a present from her brother and she got to pick out some special outfits/things for him. But actually what was really good for her was keeping things ‘normal’. Dh took her on days out just the two of them. She still got lots of one to one time with him (i didn’t have much free time to spend with her as needed to sleep initially). This time he’ll need to also do special things with your toddler too, so having the both of them while you have baby.

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