Dh Anger-outbreaks

[PerkyTraybake]

Just have some issues..
Been together many years with dh. Have two children.
Dh have surprising anger-outbreaks.. had for many years.
Like when I suggested the same doctor for my sons scheduled appointments, dh yelled at me saying I am creating huge amount of problems with my sons anxiety. (Ds are very anxious about hospitals, thats why I think it would be easier to meet the same doctor)
Or when he forgot to bring home Dds water bottle from school, he shouted at me that I were giving the "wrong" water bottle and how everything is my fault. Thats the reason why he forgot to bring it home..
And soo many more stories has happened in the same topic..
I have tried to just swallow everyting to calm him down. Never shouted back. For the kids sake. Because we are all frightened when he is shouting. We just want it to stop.
He has never apologized.
Between these happening. He is a quite normal person.

I feel my feelings are gone. I cant get them back. But I feel very guilty for my childrens sake for this. It feels selfish to not be with them all the time, if I decide to leave.

Has anyone been in the same situation, or just have some advices?

You weren't threatening him op you were explaining how you felt and setting boundaries.

Tell him, "I am NOT threatening you. I am making you a promise. I am done, I am no longer prepared to allow you to abuse us any more.".

He will do it again OP.
He has been doing it so long, it is who he is.

My advice is to use this time to reach out for support.
If you don't, some day soon your children will speak to someone like a teacher about how terrified they are and it will rightly be reported to SS.
Get ahead of this and report his abuse of you and your children.

When I hear him shouting, hanging up the phone in my ear. Calling me unreasonable and then give the silent treatment just because I am in a different view...he tells me he is a passionated person.
And I was giving him guilt because I am telling him that the kids are afraid of his outbreaks too, so they rather stay quite in those times.

He is manipulating you and gaslighting you op. He won't change.

I bet he doesn't fly off the handle like that with his friends or work colleagues. That doesn't mean it's your fault, it means he knows what he's doing.

You might want to find a copy of "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It's available free on the Internet.

He threatens you and the children on a regular basis.
I grew up in a DV household, coming to terms with it now ..50 years later with help of CBT .
.