What do if you like a guy but aren't sure you really like him?

[bluebow80]

I am mid 40's and have never been married, my longest relationship is about 2 years. I broke up with a guy a couple of years ago or rather I was dumped by him when I pressed for something more than just seeing each other one day a week. I was very hurt by him and it took a while to get over it.

I did date a bit but nothing serious but earlier this year I did start seeing a guy about my age who is very nice. He isn't my usual type at all, he is fairly quiet and I suppose appearance wise while I think he is attractive I usually go for quite stylish men.

He does seem really keen on me, to be honest I think it would have petered out if he hadn't been prepared to do most of the running at the start as he lives about an hours drive away. I do like him and its really to feel really wanted and desired as opposed to feeling like they are doing you a favour for giving you their time. He isn't well off (nor am I) but he is kind and generous and he's a nice person to spend time with.

Its just that I don't feel super attracted to him. My Mum both said that he wasn't my type and that he seems far more into me than I am into him and my sister said that even a couple of years ago I wouldn't have looked twice at him.

Part of me thinks well in that case maybe that is a good thing? My picker has generally been off in the past so maybe him not being my usual type is a positive? On the other I wonder if perhaps I am settling for dating him because he seems to like me so much and it feels safer than risking my feelings with a guy who is perhaps more my type.

I know its early days really to be worrying about this but really he is so nice I don't want to hurt him or lead him on if it turns out I don't feel as strongly. It could of course be that my feelings do develop and this works out or that he could turn around and ghost me tomorrow, I've been blindsided like that before!

As always it just feels more pressured at this age, I don't have time to waste on the wrong guy anymore!

I think in some cases it can be well received. If a man was clean, tidy and just not dressed to my taste, fine. I dated one very clever, kind, and successful and frankly loaded man who dressed pretty much in rags and whose hygiene was poor. Quite complicated but I think linked to a rather neglected childhood

I binned most of his crappy old wardrobe with his blessing and spend hours helping him choose things that would suit him, not that I particularly liked (I did but it wasn't making him look like some ideal man for me just a comfy and presentable version of himself).

No control, it was his choice. (I did give him hell about his tattered underpants though!) I just wasn't willing to date a man who smelled and dressed in dirty ripped clothing.

Relationships with your type don’t seem to have served you well. Isn’t it worth trying something else?

Nah. If you’re questioning it, I don’t think you’re really into him. You can’t force these things just because he’s nice. Do him a favour and let him go.
It doesn’t sound like there’s any chemistry, and I think there needs to be at least some at first.

When you say you're running out of time, are you hoping to have a baby with him? Otherwise there's no rush. You don't have to be anywhere by a certain age unless it suits you.

I wouldn't say DH was my type really, quieter than typical, skinnier. But he made me laugh. It came on the back of being turned down by a guy who gave me proper tummy flips(!) so I did worry it was desperate/reboundy but proofs in the pudding of my happy marriage 12 years later. I just realised in part that what I'd always gone for had never actually worked!

My best friend has a similar story. Plenty of conversations early on about not feeling the same pull as with previous ex's, didn't meet some of her younger requirements (no separated parents, must be in a career etc) but she liked him and it confused her. Again, proof in the pudding. Married four years, two kids, supports her career, respected her boundaries etc. previously she liked the bad boys. Tastes mature.

I'm the same. Dh was just a fling in my opinion. He certainly wasn't my type and was really into me in a relaxed, caring way. We did have chemistry and he was excellent company.

We have been happily married for 20 years and I adore him. He also is still really, really into me and 100% puts me first.

I did have another boyfriend a couple of years before I met dh who wasn't my type too. He was keen too. He bought me a teddy back from a work trip which gave me the complete ick and I dumped shortly afterwards.

I would just give it time OP, it could go either way 😂

@Terrribletwos gosh, there's no way you should dictate it. But if you are close enough to someone to share bodily fluids over a long period of time, then it should be cool to say 'oh, do you like this, I think that would suit you'. Of course they shouldn't feel pressured.
I guess I know what you mean as if a man asked a woman to wear a skimpy dress or a niqab or sensible trousers when they clearly aren't into it, the optics there aren't great are they? Haha.
I don't think OP is the controlling type though by the sounds of it.