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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

New relationship teen not happy

15 replies

jabal · 08/08/2024 16:08

So I have recently turned 15 year old son who I adore.
i was in an 8 year relationship which ended last year as I was just getting no support from that partner and it became like strangers.
i have met someone new this year and it is going really well. The only issue is my son doesn’t want me to date anyone!
he has only said this since he found out about my new partner.
i don’t want to upset my son but I also don’t think I should have to be single for the rest of my life.
has anyone else been in this situation and if so how did you handle it

OP posts:

Pigeonqueen · 08/08/2024 16:18

How involved was your ex with your child? Were you living together, like a step parent situation? If so it’s a huge deal for your child to adjust from having someone in their life for 8 years to go to you dating someone new in a year…! Way too quick to be introducing them etc. No wonder your son is feeling upset - or have they not actually met yet? It’s not clear.

surprisedactually · 08/08/2024 16:20

did it end very messily?
and he was close to the partner (not his father presumably)?

no siblings?

surprisedactually · 08/08/2024 16:21

how long ago did you meet new guy?

Bananalanacake · 08/08/2024 16:26

You can still date, there is no need to introduce your bf to your ds for a good few years. Just tell him you're going out, is he ok to be left alone at 15.

Turophilic · 08/08/2024 16:30

Dating is fine. Introducing your very new boyfriend to your teen son is unnecessary. There’s absolutely no reason for them to have anything to do with each other for a long time.

Knowing each other exist, saying hello politely, is all that’s needed. He’s old enough to be on his own for an evening while you go on a date.

Your boyfriend should not be at your house when your son is there. It’s far too soon, especially after the breakup of an 8 year relationship.

Biggaybear · 08/08/2024 16:35

Bananalanacake · 08/08/2024 16:26

You can still date, there is no need to introduce your bf to your ds for a good few years. Just tell him you're going out, is he ok to be left alone at 15.

This.

No need to introduce boyfriends to children. Keep your dating to yourself.

As a previous poster said, your son has had to deal with losing a father figure who had been in his life for 8 years. You might have healed from that relationship but your son might not have.

SamW98 · 08/08/2024 16:39

How old was your son when you split with his father?

Hes not long lost a man he obviously looked at as a father figure and as PP have said you might have moved on quickly but maybe he needs more time to get his head round it.

And as PP also said there’s no need for them to cross paths after a few months of you dating. Keep your dating and your home life separate for now.

Anxioustealady · 08/08/2024 16:47

It's very upsetting when you form a bond with a step parent or their children and then one day they're gone and you don't speak anymore, and then you're supposed to build a new relationship with the next people.

DazedAndConfused321 · 08/08/2024 16:57

Even if you met the new partner in January, your son shouldn't have met him yet! That's way too early. Poor thing, he needs stability and time.

Meadowfinch · 08/08/2024 17:06

My ds is now 16. If I date, I do it away from the house.

That way DS doesn't have to cope with a strange man in his home.

It's only two years until he heads off to university and things will be easier. I'll wait, I don't mind.

otravezempezamos · 08/08/2024 17:07

Way way way too soon.

You were with someone since your child was 6. He no doubt formed a relationship with him. You have split, and moved on faster than some people iron their clothes! Too soon too soon too soon. Focus on your kid. He will be doing GCSEs next year, and planning his future and he needs consistency.

Seaoftroubles · 08/08/2024 17:19

You are being unreasonable to expect your son to welcome a new man into your life so soon after you've ended the relationship with your previous partner and whom your son had grown up with. See the new man outside your home and introduce him when your son feels ready.

MissJoGrant · 08/08/2024 17:29

DazedAndConfused321 · 08/08/2024 16:57

Even if you met the new partner in January, your son shouldn't have met him yet! That's way too early. Poor thing, he needs stability and time.

People are so weird on here about this. January was 7/8 months ago. That's fine. I've never met anyone irl who thinks you have to leave it years and years before introducing kids to partners. I find it odd.

Polyp0 · 08/08/2024 17:31

Your son hasn't asked you to be single for the rest of your life though, has he?

Opentooffers · 08/08/2024 17:32

He can't stop you dating, but you don't take him home when your DC is there. Certainly don't be looking to move the next man in. It's not clear if you lived with you're ex, but you don't mention an upheaval with having to move, so I'm surmising that you just moved him in, then asked him to leave after 8 years of no support? So your son has already had to put up with living with someone uninvolved.
This close to your son being of independent age, you should wait to introduce and never move any man in, ever. You either buy or rent together down the line. Any man who is only too willing to move into a woman's home is just seeing convenience and cheaper housing for themselves - not really shouting out signs of affection or respect.

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