Just need to vent about my relationship and not sure how best to get out of it.
I’ve been with my partner for about 4.5 years now we have a child together and I have two older children from a previous relationship.
soon as we moved in together a few years ago my partner started being horrible accusing me of the most bizarre things very verbally abusive and all throughout my pregnancy I had hyperemisis so most my days were spent hugging a sick bowl on the sofa or in bed and he would still accuse me of having men round whilst he was at work baring in mind my two older children were also home. I ended up going to his mum to tell her what had been going on showing her the awful messages he would send me and she had words with him. It was a cycle that continued for a while where his mum would have words so he’d back off only to start again a few weeks later.
fast forward to now he still likes to accuse me of things like when I go see my sister I’m actually only going there to flirt with her boyfriend (which believe me is not the case atal) but things like that it’s just not as often as it used to be.
a few months ago he had an abscess so started sleeping in the spare room however he got that treated ages ago and is still in the other room. If we have people round he’ll show his face and start tidying (something he never does when no one is here) and he will be all chatty then as soon as everyone leaves he grabs his phone and shuts himself in the room again he actually blocks the door with his clothes and says it’s so our youngest doesn’t bother him even though it’s like 6pm and I’m just left to do bedtime and clearing up.
the other night something was just in my gut that didn’t feel right and I know it’s bad but I tried my luck at getting on his phone whilst he slept. He never ever leaves his phone it’s like glued to his hand he knows my password etc but I was never allowed to know his even when I needed to borrow it to call someone he would unlock it away from me. But I tried a couple of passwords and tried his bank pin and it worked!!!!
I hate hate hate the idea of snooping in people’s personal things and even put it back and hesitated but there was something in my gut that I needed to check.
there were no messages I felt the need to go through so went onto his internet history and feel completely uncomfortable with what I seen.
there was search after search search for soooo many porn videos (porn does not upset me and understand men will use it) but I was shocked at the sheer amount he had been on in just the last week and the things he was searching for were ‘trannys and anal’ ‘school uniform’ ‘mum and teenage step daughter’ (my daughter is 13!!!) there was so much there to do with teenagers / school uniform and step daughter - I feel sick!
I have never left her alone with him in the whole time we’ve been together I’ve always been extra cautious when it comes to things like that but the fact he is actively searching this so often whilst locking himself away in the spare room just screams a porn addiction and also predatory!
he never even talks to me anymore as soon as I start talking he just goes on his phone or goes to his room the relationship is completely dead but he will not leave. The only time I get a convo from him is when I go to meet my friends or family and it’s never a nice convo it’s just accusations telling I’m a slag when I’ve done nothing wrong! That paired with what I’ve found I’m just done and now repulsed by him.
the thing is we are in private rent joint tenancy he just refuses to leave and even tho I could afford to rent on my own in this house if I was to move with the rent prices the way they are I wouldn’t be able to afford because all of them well over the price I’m currently paying. And I doubt I would even be accepted as a single parent even tho I do work it’s just one income.
what do I do? I feel so stuck 😢 living with a man who expects me to worship the ground he walks on and to behave like a girlfriend but not being treated like one like I’m just here to be on his arm I’m so bored and fed up with it all and I just want to live alone with my kids where we feel safe. I know I’m going to be even more on edge now with what I’ve seen on his search history and having 2 daughters in our home one of them being a teen.
somebody please give me some advise 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼