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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Daughter dad what to do

8 replies

Berrycake1 · 08/08/2024 09:19

Apologies for ALL of this typing , just looking for a bit of advice with my 4yr olds dad as it’s all really stressing me out . So I’m just going to give you a bit of background about us . So when my daughter was born I had to go into a mother and baby unit to be assessed for a few months with her as I stayed in an abusive relationship with her dad before I got pregnant and when I mean abusive I mean very bad . Police were called constantly also I was 18 at the time . He was in the unit with me but ended up getting kicked out so I had to be assessed on my own as they were going to take her into care because of him but I passed the assessment unit and got my own temporary place . During that night he would only ask about my daughter on Christmas or birthdays didn’t bother with all throughout the year .

A week or so ago I was in a tight spot and thought he doesn’t or hasn’t paid any child support let me try ask him if he’s got anything but he didn’t so I spoke to him about daughter being diagnosed with autism and I agreed to him seeing her , until his girlfriend went to message my boyfriend too say I am meeting daughters dad for a shag because he called me darling in one message . Now I can’t be asked for drama , I didn’t end up meeting him to be honest . He kept saying his girlfriend is very jealous of me and my daughter and she’s the one who’s been stopping him from seeing her .

Because I didn’t meet him with my daughter he then got nasty and switched it around and said I’m the one who’s stopping him see his daughter etc etc . He now keeps messaging everyday to say how is (daughter) When can I see her ? Just every day now and I don’t even feel to meet him or speak to him now . Just don’t know what to do and all my mind keeps thinking is am I being reasonable or ?🙁 I don’t want my daughter being hurt with inconsistency or anything else . Not sure if I missed anything out but tried to type much as I could , it’s just all sending me crazy

OP posts:
Berrycake1 · 08/08/2024 09:34

W

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 08/08/2024 09:39

I don't understand why you want your daughter to have contact with a violent man.

Block him on your phone and social media after letting him know that he can apply to court for access. Apply through CMS for maintenance.

Get in contact with a domestic abuse organisation for support and advice.

PashaMinaMio · 08/08/2024 09:44

I’m assuming he’s not on the birth certificate and given he doesn’t pay maintenance, he has no rights to see her at all?
Others on MN can correct me if I’ve got this wrong.

Just go back to where you were with him before your “tight spot” and block him. What’s the point of birthday and Christmas messages or whatever if he brings nothing but stress and his girlfriend troubles to you?

Dont allow yourself to become enmeshed in this sh*t show. Step outside of it and be your own person. Bring up your baby in peace. Protect her from all these shenanigans.

Starlight1979 · 08/08/2024 09:45

I literally cannot make head nor tail of this post OP, sorry.

Marylou62 · 08/08/2024 09:49

You are at serious risk of your DD having involvement with social services again surely! If he was a danger before he's still a danger now..
Please please take advice from pp here..

Berrycake1 · 08/08/2024 15:02

cupcaske123 · 08/08/2024 09:39

I don't understand why you want your daughter to have contact with a violent man.

Block him on your phone and social media after letting him know that he can apply to court for access. Apply through CMS for maintenance.

Get in contact with a domestic abuse organisation for support and advice.

Edited

I don’t know I guess it was because he kept saying to me before he’s got a 2 year old child and he’s able too be around his 2 year old so saying there’s no reason for him not to see my daughter so I sort of agreed too it but I didn’t end up meeting him & thank you

OP posts:
Berrycake1 · 08/08/2024 15:03

PashaMinaMio · 08/08/2024 09:44

I’m assuming he’s not on the birth certificate and given he doesn’t pay maintenance, he has no rights to see her at all?
Others on MN can correct me if I’ve got this wrong.

Just go back to where you were with him before your “tight spot” and block him. What’s the point of birthday and Christmas messages or whatever if he brings nothing but stress and his girlfriend troubles to you?

Dont allow yourself to become enmeshed in this sh*t show. Step outside of it and be your own person. Bring up your baby in peace. Protect her from all these shenanigans.

Yep he’s on the birth certificate but just hasn’t paid his way for my daughter at all or havent been making effort with her before

OP posts:
Peoniesinbloom · 08/08/2024 15:10

Like the other poster said, block him, and apply through CMS for maintenance.
No contact is best if he is a violent person.

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