Good Morning.
So I'm 50 (name changed for this) grey up with married parents.
Quick back story is that my mother has always been controlling and emotionally abusive/controlling. In a low key way. My sister is more perceptive than me
And has been saying this for years. I married young and got out ( she made it clear I'd go to hell if I lived with boyfriend so we married aged 21) now divorced and remarried.
I was "guided" into the career I choose by her. Looking back it was what she wanted to do herself but never did.
I recently went to a hen sleepover with some old school friends (one is remarrying a childhood sweetheart) we were talking about how our lives have pannned out. I became aware that all my school friends thought I was controlled by my mother. They gave lots of examples. Told me I'm a people pleaser and lived in fear of annoying my mother.
It's true. I did. But I think I thought that was normal. I have kids now and I am so careful to make sure they do not feel like they need to please me all the time. Again pointed out to me by husband when I discussed it with him.
I feel really low since this. Like I've not lived my true life. I'm now caring for this mother who has dementia and is still controlling me making me feel like I don't do enough for her (despite giving up more or less everything else in my life to mind her!)
Do I need therapy? Can someone
Recommend a book or something I can read to help me contextualise this! CN anyone
Else relate?