Why do some dads not pay or see their child regularly

[Girlygirl101]

Why would a dad not pay or avoid paying for child, I left it as I thought he should offer but I did ask twice and was ignore. I work hard to make sure our little one has the nicest things. I’m not looking to make it a legal requirement for him, but I’m confused how as a father you would drop your financial responsibilities.

Also he asked for fortnightly contact agreed by him applying for court. However communication is open and he will come every two to three months the time gaps are getting further apart.

Im just confused about the logic, would you not want to contribute or stick to the time you asked for?

Also I will check in with his family send lots of pics and updates and they never arrange contact and conversation can be non existent unless I initiate.

I Have no idea what’s going on am I missing something ? Am I doing something wrong to build that connection

Because he doesn't give a shit. It is as simple as that. You've tried asking him for a contribution and he blanked you. Just put in a CMS claim.

Im sorry, but usually it's because they simply don't care.
DC1's Dad dropped him so fast after we got divorced and now he pays the bare minimum CM each month after they eventually tracked it down and managed to take it from his bank directly. But not a word from him about coming to see his Son.

It really confuses me why you would go to court and not stick to what you asked for.

I literally feel like I’m somewhat chasing them now, out of guilt of potentially excluding them from Lo childhood. But his mum will say all this glittery words like lo is her world how much she loves her. She don’t see or ask about her grandchild. Their words don’t match their actions it’s so strange.

My father left DS and me at a young age and never gave DM money for us. He barely had contact with us. He had the bloody cheek to go to DS wedding that my DM paid for though!

They don't care enough to take responsibility.

Im sorry you experienced this, it’s like they have one foot in and one foot out. And then when people are tired of the inconsistency they become this victim denied the opportunity of being a dad.

It's not just men.

Ex wife has not paid a penny towards her 3 children in 6 years. Eldest 2 are now over 18 so really it's just the youngest. I dont think she works anymore (living with boyfriend) but last year she inherited c£250k but still no financial help. Not taken them on holiday for 7 years or paid anything for their schooling/ Uni costs.

Completely baffles me.

Very embarrassing behaviour, most people are aware of their behaviour. Regardless if you are financially emotionally able to provide for your children, she could always ask where the gaps are and fill them. Even if it’s providing money for school dinners or travel.

This. You need to do this for your DC. It is their right to receive money from their Dad. Don't let him get away with his obligation to your DC. He sounds a shit and your DC might well be better off without such a pathetic father in their life. I just don't know how any parent could blank their own DC but I know it happens.

Sometimes the ex makes it incredibly difficult for them to see their child/ex alienates child from parent.

@Hellodarknessmyfriend I don’t alienate him or his family. I initiate conversation with them all the time, buy gift for Mother’s Day for his mum. Conversation is open to arrange contact when they are ready and they decide to go months.

From birth I have provided and worked so hard to make sure LO has the best life. I don’t expect or push LO dad to do anything I allow him to make that choice himself.

The reason of this post was to understand why they wouldn’t pay or see LO on the days they said. And why do they not get in contact to ask how LO is and to build that open flow of communication

@Girlygirl101 Of course not all parents alienate. But some definitely do. My ex did and it meant I saw my children less and less.

They aren’t interested. They view the DC as an extension of you so they pull away.

They’ll probably have more DC with someone else.

He's just irresponsible, and he doesn't have a good bond with your DC. I wouldn't push contact

Because he's a selfish asshole.
He doesn't care about the child. You can't make people care. Put in a claim and don't bother asking him again. You should not have to beg for what legally, rightfully belongs to your child.

At the risk of making a sweeping generalisation, I believe it is because children are nowhere near as important to men as they are to women.

To some extent one can say the same about relationships.

Because they don’t care about the children and don’t want to be fathers. My ex doesn’t see our children (hasn’t since may 2023) and doesn’t pay any maintenance, when I asked he told me I shouldn’t have had children if I “wanted to be paid for them”

Loads of reasons and different one for different men or woman who don't co tribute or don't see their child

• all the above about not giving a shit etc

• they didn't want a child in the first place or were trapped into being a parent

• if the resident parent is the one to end things might cause resentment

• can't afford it and or distance

• too painful to see their child

• has another family now

• difficult ex

• difficult new partner /wife / husband

• needs to start over and can't do that if still have feelings for the ex so seeing their child doesn't help them

• abusive ex and can't be around them and the child is a reminder

May of these are selfish but just stating some random reasons possibly why

They take you to court so they can say to the world “I love my kids I do, I fought for them” etc etc. They are lazy and manipulative people, accept it and get what your child is entitled to by law through CMS.

Thanks, Girlygirl101. I think some people are just bad humans, who just don't care for their own offspring

In my experience they go to court but don't then actually see their child for whatever was agreed as a way of controlling you. If you don't hold up your side of the contact arrangements, letting them see them whenever was agreed they can drag you back to court. Whereas there is nothing you can do if they just decide not to bother with them.

In my case it was control. He wanted the overall control over my life but when reality hit he didn't want his daughters. And he told them that in writing at 15 and 13.

He pays minimum. Often had to be chased and now that's stopped for one he doesn't even give £10 a month towards support for uni - but writes about their achievements all over Facebook! Like he helps ( never once attended a parents evening or did homework)

When he realised he could no longer control me he gave up seeing them as the ultimate control was giving me no break or helping me to progress at work by having them in school holidays and when I managed regardless he walked away.
Sees them now on his family birthdays mainly so he can post on social media and all the friends we had together can comment how great he is at being a dad.
Truth he's absent and shit and l am sad I chose him to have children with

A lot of men are pulled away by new relationships. You would be surprised by how many women are turned on by useless good for nothing Dad's. It's usually because they have convinced the men to spend the money on them instead.

My ex used to say about our son, "he's not my responsibility"