How do I move on without closure?

[Quietghost]

Every 6 weeks or so I will ruminate about a lost friendship that happened almost two decades ago.

D and I were inseparable best friends. Until one day she stopped calling round for me and started ghosting me instead.

A couple of years ago, I made a Facebook account and messaged her asking for closure. I gave it a week and with no reply I deleted the account. However, during that week she had reposted a quote that said something along the lines of "one day, people will realise what they've done to you" whether that was towards me or not, I do not know but from looking at her account she didn't seem the type to repost things.

It's been almost two decades since we were friends and yet this is clearly something that still pains me. How do I move on without the closure?

A little more to the story (that I usually miss out depending on who I'm sharing my story with...)

During my birthday weekend (2005) I had a sleepover with D and another friend. D and I made out after the other friend fell asleep and the next morning I was moody and wanted to be alone because I was ashamed of what had happened.

I seem to have blanks in my memory but my birthday sleepover was in November 2005 and I remember that she stopped calling round for me for a while after and I never saw or heard from her even though she lived 3 houses away. March time 2006 I saw her on the street with some other girl and she never even looked at me, let alone speak to me.

It's almost as if our friendship never happened. How do you go from being inseparable best friends to literally acting like the other person never existed?

Has anything similar ever happened to you?

How do I move on when I know I'm never getting the closure I need?

It's been 20 years.

I don't even know what you're fighting for anymore. I don't get this. There's no enemy in this story, you're just doing this to yourself.

Leave her be. She obviously isn’t interested in speaking to you. That is closure.

Clearly the friendship meant a lot to you but possibly not to her. Sorry OP! She ignored you even when you contacted her to try to clear the air/get closure. I know it might be hard but you really do need to try to forget about her because she has probably forgotten about you - it’s been 20 years! She has never tried to contact you or clear the air. Do you reminisce about the friendship because you’ve never had a close friendship like it since? Who knows why the friendship fizzled out. Comments here will be speculation. Maybe you will never know. People change and drift apart; friendships change. Just try to move on if you can 🌺

During my birthday weekend (2005) I had a sleepover with D and another friend. D and I made out after the other friend fell asleep and the next morning I was moody and wanted to be alone because I was ashamed of what had happened

This is probably your answer, they were ashamed too and walked away from the friendship.

Well yes the making out session probably ended the friendship as you felt ashamed and she probably did too.

She didn't want to be friends with you after that.

I think after 20 years it's a bit odd and almost obsessive that you still need an answer. You have to accept there's not always an answer and this is definitely true in your case but the making out clearly shocked her or upset her she probably felt shame especially when you say you were moody the following day. Also it's crossing a line a long term friend then you make out both were clearly confused but it's 20 years ago put it in the past. Some people don't stay in our lives forever they become life lessons