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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Depression and anxiety? Or DP problems?

33 replies

Chasingthesun18 · 07/08/2024 21:24

My partner is one of those people who is always wound up about something. Whether it's the news, politics, his family, job, strangers in public.. He has always been this way but lately I am really struggling. He walks around in a horrific mood because he says his job is terrible (just like the last job) and is talking about being one step away from hitting someone. He will then start ranting about stuff on the news for no reason and I mostly switch off from it. His frustrations are sometimes towards me but mostly external however I still feel really impacted by having someone rant constantly. I feel like I'm waiting for any small thing to set him off.

Recently I have been feeling overwhelming anxiety and also wondering if I am depressed. I don't enjoy life as much as I used to and don't look forward to birthdays, meals out etc where I used to be someone who always got really excited about stuff. I also feel like I look grey and tired and struggling to have any motivation at weekends to clean house etc. however my work is going good and I actually enjoy going to the office and socialising. I noticed the other day that my anxiety had gone away having been terrible in the morning but better after a day at work until I got ready to go home. Can't really complain about most things in life otherwise (friends family etc). Not trying to put blame solely on to my partner but do you reckon it would be enough to cause depression/anxiety in a person, living in an environment like this? Or could I just be having mental health issues and therefore being less patient?

OP posts:
Chasingthesun18 · 09/08/2024 15:42

Double post but I honestly can't cope with this much longer! I was in a really positive mood today and called on him to check something with him, he then replied "what is it" in a clearly exasperated tone with a scowl on his face. He was obviously in a bad mood so I asked what was wrong and he's now ignoring me and shut himself off in another room. It shouldn't take so little to bother me but my anxiety is now sky high and feeling like I've done something yet again over nothing. Feel if I bring it up I'll just be making it about me.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 09/08/2024 15:45

It really grinds you down and puts you in perpetual anxiety to be around someone who's constantly finding a reason to explode with anger. He sounds utterly awful.
You should see a therapist and consider leaving him. Unless he will seriously change his behaviour to try and salvage your relationship but that seems like it's not especially likely.

YellowRoom · 09/08/2024 15:51

Why are you with someone who has you walking on eggshells and gives you physical symptoms of stress and anxiety. You're changing your behaviour to try and influence his, but even with you tying yourself in knots it's not helping. The problem lies with him and not you.

Chasingthesun18 · 09/08/2024 16:10

Yes I really feel like telling him I can't do this anymore. I went from feeling great with no anxiety to this just from one minor interaction. I know he is having a hard time at work but I can't be an emotional punching bag and sacrifice my mental health any more

OP posts:
Corksoles · 09/08/2024 18:48

Honestly, I could not cope with this. I have disabled kids and that comes with a certain amount of tummy clenching stress, but it's not from a grown man who is taking out his pathetic perma rage on me. Plus my kids are a source of joy and are trying their best. Nah, bin it off!

pikkumyy77 · 09/08/2024 18:52

Chasingthesun18 · 07/08/2024 21:32

Thank you for your response. I have tried to talk to him but he says he's not ranting about me so it shouldn't affect me. I feel almost in flight or fight mode at times, can barely breathe for the anxiety in my chest but keep feeling like it surely can't just be because of him. But I don't honestly know why else I feel this way! I don't think he understands how the impact it can have in other people

He is a hostile, aggressive, mess and not too bright either. Of course his ranting moods have a negative impact on you. Of course its awful to live with someone so childish and hysterical that he is constantly threatening to hit people.

If you can then I recommend just leaving him. He doesn’t sound like he has the capacity to listen to even the gentlest suggestion that he might want to grow the fuck up

Chasingthesun18 · 09/08/2024 20:57

You're all very spot on as I just can't cope with it. It's not a way to live and worse than a child. He just rants about everything possible and it's so hard work

OP posts:
FreeRider · 09/08/2024 22:40

You don't have to live like this.

I will repeat:

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS

Your home should be your sanctuary, the place above all that you look forward to being in - it's the exact opposite for you.

That's not right. Please get rid. He brings NOTHING positive to your life, and life is short.

Please, put yourself first.

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