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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Interactions with partner about ex partner

20 replies

VikingGirl10 · 07/08/2024 21:16

So, interested in views on the following, which I am thinking of telling my partner.

"Just off to have supper [alone at his house as his partner is not around] with xxx [my ex/separated husband] who says he is in a bad way and health issues (which I he refuses to let me tell others about) and he is really appreciating now how good I was to him in the past. We are planning to have supper together, and watch a movie together and I'll be late back so probably can't answer any more texts or tell you when I'll be back at my home as it will upset him that I am giving any attention to you and I can't let him get upset because you are now in my life as my partner - he behaved badly towards me but I was married to him and he is the father of my kids. He's also said he wants us to be friends and go for walks and visits to places together, including theatre and concerts. He says he needs me."

If my partner questions or objects I am thinking of just saying that it's his problem and insecurities, he's badly behaved for being upset and he's being selfish and interfering in my life.

Is this ok?

OP posts:
Domino20 · 07/08/2024 21:51

Super weird message. You sound overly invested in your ex.

Northernlights100 · 07/08/2024 21:57

I think this is a very unusual situation & think your DP would be reasonable to be upset about this. If your ex needs help he should be asking for it from his partner, families or friends but not you.

MapleTreeValley · 07/08/2024 21:59

Reverse?

MorningHood · 07/08/2024 22:03

Eh?

Northernlights100 · 07/08/2024 22:04

MapleTreeValley · 07/08/2024 21:59

Reverse?

I was wondering that

Original poster
VikingGirl10 · 07/08/2024 22:05

Thanks all, yes a reverse. So good to have some sane reassurance that I am not wrong to be upset here.

OP posts:
StopInhalingRevels · 07/08/2024 22:06

MapleTreeValley · 07/08/2024 21:59

Reverse?

100%

StopInhalingRevels · 07/08/2024 22:08

VikingGirl10 · 07/08/2024 22:05

Thanks all, yes a reverse. So good to have some sane reassurance that I am not wrong to be upset here.

Edited

Ah, I'm sorry your husband is a disloyal prick.

And to make out like it's you being unreasonable to have an issue over frankly disgraceful behaviour on his part.

Sounds very much like she's the priority. It'd be a fuck no from me.

StopInhalingRevels · 07/08/2024 22:15

So...

She acted like a twat. He left. Met you.

She's realised that no one else is interested in her. So now she's sniffing around and acting needy in the hope she can be the damsel in distress for Mr "Hero"

His ego is lapping this up.

Original poster
VikingGirl10 · 07/08/2024 22:23

Yup, my thoughts entirely, Thanks.

OP posts:
BillyNoMates9 · 08/08/2024 02:58

Wow. Are they divorced? No way would almost anyone be happy with this. Agree he's enjoying the power of both of you competing.

Sceptical123 · 08/08/2024 06:05

MapleTreeValley · 07/08/2024 21:59

Reverse?

I was going to say exactly what sprang to my mind then read rest of thread!

So his ex has a new partner and he goes round when they’re out? So could he sleeping with her. How can he justify this behaviour to anyone? He’s going on dates with her - walks, theatre etc. he left her for a reason but don’t forget he was attracted to her before and in a retail shop with her so she must she a quality which appeals to him. No doubt she is turning this onto the max! Leave him.

Mmmmminteresting · 08/08/2024 06:40

No it’s not ok. Ditch him, he’s cheating on you with his ex

Original poster
VikingGirl10 · 08/08/2024 07:06

Thanks for your messages everyone. Actually, she doesn't have a new partner. Otherwise, the facts are the same. When I was writing the reverse thing I was thinking how would HE feel if I was doing what he is doing.

OP posts:
MushMonster · 08/08/2024 07:15

WTF? That is what about reply. Followed by Goodbye, forever....

2Old2Tango · 08/08/2024 07:19

How long have you been with this jerk and do you live together? I'd be getting rid of him pronto if he feels it's ok to spend time and go on days out with the ex.

DeliciousApples · 08/08/2024 07:27

Hell no.

You are basically the back up plan. He's not that into you but needed someone and you happened to be in the right place at the right time.

But now the person he really wants may be available he's going to try and get her. While keeping you in the back burner in case she and him don't work out...

Nope. He's made us choice. Kick him out.

Comparethemarket · 08/08/2024 07:55

This sounds a bit like my ex.

His ex-wife (very long marriage) was single and lived about 5 minutes from him. She'd pop over to his for drinks or dinner (and a few times when he was away to clean his house -wtf!).

I wouldn't have minded if it weren't for the fact that he wouldn't let me know when they'd met up or that they were planning to and it was never whilst I was there.

Friendships with ex's can be ok, but not at the exclusion of the current partner. Particularly if one of them is single. Friendships are not secrets. Affair (emotional or physical) is.

Goldcushions2 · 08/08/2024 08:11

Help him pack.

Loser wasting your time.

DoreenonTill8 · 08/08/2024 08:24

I'll be late back so probably can't answer any more texts or tell you when I'll be back at my home as it will upset him that I am giving any attention to you and I can't let him get upset because you are now in my life as my partner
Wtf! That would be a 'just take your stuff and stay there then, dont expect (or want) to hear from you again!'

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