How do you pull back from negativity in your marriage and relationships?

[Midlifechampion]

Like many people now with an older child (dd17) and some years behind us, some fairly significant life events have happened. Death of parents, lost a young niece in her early twenties, had to isolate during covid due to dh underlying serious health condition ( which despite being extremely clinically vulnerable, dh's family just thought was a bit over the top, which has definitely caused damage to relationships), a sexual assault in the family and then the more normal things like my siblings drifting apart, friends busy and trying to rekindle those friendships and start to find interests of my own, now dd is growing up.

This is not a woe is me post, I have so many things to be grateful for, but these events punctuating the years means over time, I'm losing my spark and my husband is becoming more cynical and isolated from others. I can see us both slipping into a more negative conversational pattern - I've always been the more social one and more optimistic. And on his day, he can really lift the mood, but I can feel the being jaded with life seeping in. We have very little to do with his family and even little things go round in my head, like I'm looking at Christmas wondering if we'll have anyone to spend it with (dd has already commented on how quiet our home is and I don't think for a second her idea of Christmas is stuck a home with just mum and dad, she barely wants to come away with us anymore.

It feels like as I creep towards 50, these life events have chipped away at our happiness and positive outlook. My dh to be fair has reasons to feel let down by people, but I fear a growing sense of isolation. However I know tackling this by pointing out directly someone for being negative or judgemental is never going to get the result you want. I'd love to know if other have found that life sometimes seems to pile up a little too high and how they have addressed it. I am keeping my head above water but I would say every week there is a point where I just feel so very sad. I love my DD and DH with all my heart, but a negative DH and a classic hot and cold teen DD is having its effect on me.

Think forward. What have you got planned? Shit stuff does happen, but if you keep diluting it with beautiful sunsets, creativity, fascination, endorphins etc, it doesn't take over.

When's the last thing you planned something, went and did it, and said afterwards 'Wow, that was amazing!'.

It's a great point and I'm trying my best to do that, starting new interests, picking up old ones and putting more effort into seeing friends. I think the combination of a dd who like many teenagers sometimes wants to connect, some times totally shuts off (which is tough when we used to be so close) and my dh gradually pulling back from his social life (and really struggling to connect with DD as she's given up their shared sport) sometimes really gets me down because just like for myself, I want them to be happy too. I've never felt quite like this before, sometimes I feel so anxious and sad

I struggled at the start of perimenopause with anxiety for the first time in my life but HRT helped massively.

I'm trying to understand and identify what this is - I did talk with a therapist after a particularly traumatic event and I also try and practise mindfulness and stay active. So I'm certainly happy to put work in to help myself, but I'm just starting to feel emotionally burnt out and worried so much of the time. I take my mind off of things when I am working as it occupies my mind but l know that's not really heatlhy in the long term. Has anyone else ever felt like this?