My ex is a paedophile

[missb10]

I just found out that a former boyfriend of mine has been convicted of sex with a very young child and making and distributing child pornography. We were in a relationship together when we were about 18. There was nothing to suggest then that he was into little girls. What makes someone become paedophile? It makes me sick, but also sad that he turned out like that. I feel sorry for his family, who are good people, but it disturbs me.

No sympathy for his victims though? Just yourself and his family!

horrible shock, isn't it. I have had this experience and it shook me to the core. not least when I read a report of the case and knew I had seen him the day he embarked on a career of child abuse, the day before, and the day after, and had no inkling, not a tiny little alarm bell, nothing. We were both 16 at the time, and this came to light in our 30s. By which time we had been amicable exes for more than 10 years and I had introduced him to my children .

Thankfully they only met twice, and one elder was in a pushchair the whole time the first time, and the second time, the second one was in a push chair the whole time, and the elder one did not leave my sight, but they held hands at one point to cross the road. We only met outside in the park

I was hysterical when I found out. I ran round to a friend's sobbing, and was so upset I couldn't even get the words out. It was hard to hide my reaction from my children and had to say I had sand in my eyes.

Anyway, the shock dies down, as do all shocks. I recently was clearing out and rediscovered the newspaper accounts of the trial, re read them then threw them away. It is a long time in the past now, and I don't give him head space

sorry, where does it say she doesn't have any sympathy for his victims? That isn't what this post is about. I am sure the OP is concerned about the plight of orangutans losing their habitat too, but strangely, that is not mentioned here either. Or could it be because that is not what this post is about? 🙄

What a stupid comment

Where does it say they do?

I think her sympathy for the victims goes without saying.

Exactly.

OP I caught my ex on a site looking at young girls. All dressed but in swimsuits and gymnastics costumes. He'd saved thousands of photos. Police weren't interested as he hadn't broken the law apparently. I argued that he needed watching. They couldn't do anything. He works for the NHS. It was a huge shock and I still think about it now. He's just got married and she likely has no idea.

Just know it's nothing you did and there's nothing you can do. Thankfully he has been caught and charged.

Not 'sex with a young child' - 'raping a young child'.
Not 'child pornography' - 'images / videos of child sexual abuse'.

It is important that the terms used do not normalize or minimize the offenses.

Have you heard - there are two types of people. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

Anyway, I honestly don't know how I'd react if I found this out about an ex. It makes me feel sick just contemplating it. Imagine being the mother of a monster like this, it just doesn't bear thinking about.

A huge part of the horror of finding out about something like this is caused by feeling for the victims. It doesn't need to be explicitly said, because anyone with half a brain already knows that she feels sympathy for the victims.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this OP. I've experienced similar, and it's a huge shock. It feels like there should be obvious signs that there's something this wrong with somebody, like there must have been red flags you missed. Or you expect people like this to have some sort of reason for turning out as they have...but if they're just (what you thought was) a normal person from a normal family, and nobody noticed anything amiss? I always felt like I'd be able to spot someone who was this disgusting (and also had that sense of this is something that you hear about on the news, not close to home), so it was frightening and destabilising to realise that this isn't the case.