I hate that phrase, but I didn't know how else to put it!
A few years ago I met an external contractor for my organisation. He was nearly 20 years older than me but I was obsessed! I couldn't stop thinking about him and my daily mood completely depended on whether I saw him or not. The problem was, I was in a very long term relationship. Now I can see I was fed up of life - unhappy relationship, dull job and kind of bored.
Fast forward to now and I'm a single parent. I work in a more stimulating role in the same organisation. The guy will pop over and see me occasionally but rarely needs to be in my new building.
Basically, I still can't really make sense of my feelings for him nor his towards me. He's really good looking and we get on well but sometimes I find his views to be kind of old fashioned and I realise his world view is pretty different to mine. Am I just obsessing over what never was but would could have been? Would a more casual relationship work or are they doomed to fail?
Does he even like me in the first place? This is always something that's played on my mind. If he likes me, surely I'd just know? Or has he been respectful of my previous relationship and the time it has taken to move on from it? Is it possible that I'm seeking his confirmation because of my low self confidence? Yesterday he messaged me all these sad emojis that he'd popped by but I hadn't been at my desk. He then said something like 'dont worry, I don't feel hurt or ignored at all...:('
It all feels so jumbled in my mind. Is there anyone that can give me a wake up call and simplify all this nonsense?