Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What should I expect

8 replies

ohhmydayz · 06/08/2024 19:53

Been with my partner now DH for 5 years. We have toddler (2) and another on the way. We are always arguing about money. I inherited a lot of money and bought us a house before we got married. We have no mortgage. He is in the building trade and renovated the house. It's lovely. I work full time he runs his own business. We agreed to put half each into joint account for all bills etc and pay half nursery fees each, but I am always adding to this. Whenever I ask for more from him, it ends up in a row. I seem to be subbing food, and things for our DC. If I want to spend on myself, he often says what a waste of money. I have loaned him money to buy a vehicle for work. He wants to buy another car. I'm cross as he hasn't paid off the loan yet. He has the money saved so can afford the car. I just feel he's taking advantage. I am the higher earner and he is supportive in many other ways but as soon as the topic of money comes up it ends in tears. He won't discuss money at all really.
I am so upset as I thought this was sorted ( we've had a full and frank discussion several times, or so I thought) but I am now fuming he could be contemplating spending on a 'boy-racer' we don't need.

Way forward?

TIA

OP posts:
sausawyee · 06/08/2024 20:34

I hope you bought the house as tenants in common to start with?

BirthdayRainbow · 06/08/2024 20:37

He's using you for not just money it seems.

ohhmydayz · 06/08/2024 20:39

@sausawyee No we are not tenants in common. I bought the house outright solely in my name.

OP posts:
sausawyee · 07/08/2024 00:22

In that case he could make a claim on it.

suburberphobe · 07/08/2024 00:38

Yea, had one too like that.

Never gets better.

Sorry OP. Just find your inner warrior woman.

avignon1234 · 07/08/2024 00:58

sausawyee · 07/08/2024 00:22

In that case he could make a claim on it.

Just to mention, he would have a hard job doing this if it is solely in OP's name, bought outright by OP in her sole name, and she lives in it with her soon to be 2 children, when OP is already contributing more to the general stuff. I don't actually have any advice for the OP (sorry) but I think it is really hard to sort this "ongoing" stuff out equitably and plenty must struggle with it - you either throw your hand in for better or for worse at the start, an "old fashioned marriage" if you like (far from perfect if you split, not too bad if you don't) or you try and find a way through with "fair" contributions, and I am sure some other posters will come along and help the OP with what worked for them.

BigPussyEnergy · 07/08/2024 01:20

They’re married - of course he has a claim on it!

Daftapath · 07/08/2024 23:09

"Just to mention, he would have a hard job doing this if it is solely in OP's name, bought outright by OP in her sole name, and she lives in it with her soon to be 2 children, when OP is already contributing more to the general stuff."

Not necessarily. I was in a similar situation (longer marriage) and had to give H half the value of my house.

Op, I don't think he will ever be happy to contribute equally as he sees you as the cash cow. I would think very carefully about whether you are happy to accept this or not. I would imagine that resentment will continue to fester which will not make a happy marriage.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page