Dp can't rest- made to feel lazy

[Summerspritzer123]

I don't know if anyone else's DP is the same, if so how do you deal with it?

DP can't rest. Is always on the go 24/7. Last week she had an injury. Myself and her parents told her she needed to rest to recover but she did not listen and continued then complained how much pain she was in. The other day we went out with our DC (we don't have children together) then went back to DP house and we were outside, had tea. DP then wanted to go for a long walk. I said we had just done alot during the day and wanted to rest in the evening. DC also wanted to do the same. She then got in a mood because she wanted to do something.
It's just so tiring. She's always on the go, very rarely she stops. She was extremely ill a few months ago and even then she was trying to get up and do stuff. She said she feels lazy if she doesn't do stuff. I've also been called lazy and I sometimes feel on edge if I'm sitting down because I think she will think I'm lazy.

Anyone else with a DP like this?

It sounds like she’s struggling with mental health and might need support. I’m like this at times when I’m anxious I just can’t sit still. It’s unfair to call you lazy though. I just take myself off for activity if no one else can be bothered.

I was like this until I hit burnout, but then I have ADHD combined with Protestant workaholism from being the child of an ordained priest. Sayings like the Devil finds work for idle hands, and sloth is one of the 7 mortal sins, you can rest when you’re dead were commonplace growing up as a child.

Instead of taking the “lazy” comments as criticism of you, think of it as ripples from the internalised criticism she is directing towards herself as a result of what is probably a similar childhood - it is astoundingly common.

"On you go, leave me alone, please."

Repeat.

My mum is like this. I have to say, "no I'm having an afternoon off" regularly. I think she's running away from her thoughts, personally. I have ADHD so maybe there's a genetic piece as well.

It's tiresome!

Mine is like this. I think he has ADHD. Our daughter has it. I hate it because I feel I cannot relax with him in the house. Sometimes I'll send him out on a 20 mile bike ride to burn off some energy and so I can have some peace

I suspect she is also neurodiverse. She's been burnt out by work many times. Even had counselling for it. It helped slightly but she just can't say no, or does not know when to stop. Its exhausting. Its hard to watch aswell because I can see the exhaustion but still she does not stop.

I don't know perhaps we are different people and might not be compatible. I know I do not want to live with her. When we have been away together it always ends badly with me needing space because I've been micromanaged and not feeling like I can relax when she's around

If you want to stay together, you need serious boundaries and good communication. Set them and maintain them.

Tell her there's nothing wrong with a bit of downtime and that it's your choice.

I'd live somewhere else.

You're not suited.

I know of someone like this but the man she lives with is happy to let her get on with it.

He watches TV while she cleans around him, or sorts cupboards out,or goes shopping (again) .

It's exhausting to watch her but they appear happy.

We don't live together so it's not so much chores etc that are an issue. It's just doing constant activities and if we don't then she feels lazy and mopes.

yep this person is the same.
Always doing something in or outside the house.

The difference is she doesn't make her partner feel guilty or lazy.