I just finished a phone call with my Dad. My mother is also a narcissist but also has other emotional issues which has meant that for the entirety of my life post 14 yrs old since I left her in Australia to go live with my Father in England has been highly toxic.
She destroys all her relationships through over emotional behaviour which ends up being angry. Most of my interactions are phonecalls in the middle of the night in tears often drunk and complaining how someone is out to get her whether it be the council, friend or family member. Almost all of our recent communication is when she falls out with my “Golden Child” brother and there is a crisis I need to fix.
There is obviously walls and walls of text I could write about both my parents but instead I will just show you a letter I just sent to my Dad.
I called my Dad as my Mum had just contacted me after 3 months to complain about my brother being forced to marry a woman who is horrible and only after family money. Three months after she stole £1k from us and ghosted us. It’s all ridiculous as she recently told me some of the facts of why the partner didnt like my Mum and it all sounds very reasonable. She just showed up at their share house ate all their food and drink (everyones in the share house) and when asked only toe at from one shelf felt like she was being victimised. She is not short of money at the moment at all. Another reason they fell out is that she wasn’t invited to a party they were both going to (it was a rave) so again she felt victimised.
Anyway spoke to my Dad wanted to give him the heads up that she would soon be getting angry emails call telling him he needed to go to Australia and save his son. Also for some insane reason I thought he might be supportive or offer some sympathy or even laugh with me but instead I got this snippet.
“When I said to you that my younger bother blames me for leaving him in Australia when I was (14) same age as my eldest and literally and legally the definition of a child.
A reasonable response from any normal caring parent would have been 'Of course it was not your fault. You were a child escaping an abusive parent who would hit you with metal wire".
Instead you said and I quote "Well I understand why he feels you abandoned him. It is a fact!"
I can't have you in my life when you treat me like this and do not show any emotional support or understanding. Especially as you could have stopped us staying in Australia with a physical violent mother instead of making a financial deal for money you felt you were owed to sign release papers. You say this was to save grandmother's house but as a parent myself I wouldn't trade away my rights as a parent for love nor money. Have you told your son this yourself? Have you tried telling him that he is angry at the wrong person and should blame his mother and you for this if anyone?
I bet you haven't because you refuse to not be the victim.
The real victims were my elder brother, my younger brother and I. I was certainly not the abuser or responsible for my siblings. I am the only one who managed to come through the trauma of our upbringing without a diagnosed mental illness or suicide.
Please show this to anyone you know so that you will realise my strong emotional reaction is completely and objectively justified and you just acted in a very toxic, self centered, and uncaring fashion.”
Please tell me I am not crazy and that this is something a reasonable parent would never say. Or tell me I am being unreasonable if you feel I am being so.