Stuck in the middle

[Babooshka1234]

I am stuck in the middle between my 22 year old daughter and my new husband. We moved in together in 2022 whilst my daughter was at University. She graduated last summer and has been living at home ever since, struggling to find a full time job in her chosen career plus learning to drive. The issue is that my husband is feeling frustrated that she is still living at home and hasnt moved on yet. Every now and again he gets really grumpy about it and says he would feel the same if it were his own daughters. I guess he is just someone who needs his own space now and again but i feel really awkward about it as my daughter is doing her best and is really no trouble at all. I know he also likes to keep the house spotless and gets frustrated at her more relaxed student way of going about things. I'm not going to ask her to leave that's for sure and he knows that she is trying, I just feel sad that he has to get so grumpy about it.

I think your new husband has to understand that he married you and your family are a part of that!

If your daughter isn't being horrendously loud at silly o'clock in the morning, or leaving rubbish everywhere or being incredibly messy then I think he needs to understand that's part of marrying a person with DC.

At that age it's quite common for children to move home!

You need to make it clear to him that he can't be grumpy / create an atmosphere - she'll move out (and you can encourage that as you will!) but that your house is her home.

Oh no your daughter must pick up on this and feel awful??
My parents would be delighted if I moved back home at 36. They were sad to see me leave at 25. Even then they helped me find a house less than a mile away.
I agree with the previous comment. Your husband married into your family. I worry your daughter will become very distant when she eventually moves out ☹️

Your husband has always known you have a daughter and that ages part of the package he agreed to when you got married.

I get he might find it frustrating having another adult in the house but it is and always will be her home.

The issue is that my husband is feeling frustrated that she is still living at home and hasnt moved on yet....would feel the same if it were his own daughters.
Many youngsters are still at home into their 30's, was it something discussed before moving in. Is he saying if it was his child they would be kicked out. How awful for your daughter being made unwelcome and obviously not seen as part of his family. I doubt it is ideal for her having to deal with his grumpiness. Maybe he could try and be a bit more of a father figure instead of sulking.

Your poor daughter. I would hate to live somewhere where I kinda knew I wasn’t welcome by anyone else. I’m sorry but that’s really quite mean. I bet he has a long list of people who have let him down/taken him for a ride. Or at least that’s what he thinks.

Can you give her money to get her on her feet? Support her in her own accommodation?

How does your daughter feel?

You do need to prioritize your daughter but this could be financially so she can get her own place or a house share?

Is it your house that he's moved into? If so then it's her home and she has a right to be there. Many returners from Uni can't afford to move out of the family home even if they do get a job.
He needs to learn patience and his attitude would have really annoyed me. How does he get on with his own children btw?

Thank you all I'm so grateful for your advice and a friendly ear. I know it's his problem so he'll just have to deal with it as there is no way I would ever make my lovely daughter leave home. And in answer to your questions she's a gentle sole and is no trouble in the house at all and no we moved in to his house (although I now own half) which therein probably lies the issue!

Gosh she must feel awful, poor kid. I would be inclined to say I regret rushing to move in together if you are going to punish my daughter for still being here. Ask him how he’d feel if he’d moved into your house and she’d been grumpy with him.