Wanted to give some hope here to anyone stuck in a sexless marriage. Mine was - for years - and we stopped communicating in so many ways. Couldn’t find a way to discuss why or even define it, though we’ve had our share of health problems, bereavements & life disappointments. No big rows either and the love was always there - but we had settled into an almost platonic & somewhat tense and irritable dynamic in our early 50s. Very little touching and kissing even. I thought we would never rekindle things and felt really bleak about our future together.
But a few months ago something shifted. Combo of eldest DC leaving the nest, peri/meno (which since HRT seems to have increased my libido) and a bit of a carpe diem reckoning after losing two friends same age and others divorcing.
Reading lots of erotic fiction also massively helped me to start feeling sexy again and one night after a couple of drinks we just found each other again and had sex. A couple of months later, it’s still getting better and I am enjoying bring intimate so much, it’s like falling in love again after decades together - cheesy as that sounds! It has been transformative in every way…we are kinder and more playful with each other, less irritable with other people, more confident in myself. Since then we are both so much happier and I am looking forward to the future. Still not doing much talking about it though which perhaps we need to work on!
Just posting to give hope and encouragement really. If your relationship is basically sound but you are not having sex, it CAN change.