newbiebringiton - you around?

[TLV]

hi just wanted a chat, was reading your advice to another post and I'm in a similar situation to what you were and reading your posts crikey you could be me, think you have responded to one of my posts earlier.

What were your relate session like when you were patching things up, we start ours soon, infact we have sort of had one about a month ago but that was the last one of my sessions to which dh attended but we start "proper" couple counselling in a few weeks, what can I expect? in the last one counsellor did suggest that we each have half hour of uninterupted talk (about our problems) and the other go away and think about it and come back to respond, we did this and tbh was a bit of a farce as it took dh a while to get back to me but we got there in the end tho.

Hi, of course At work now but will post tonight. Sending virtual hugs

thanks really appreciate it, may not get a chance to log on tonight as dh is staying over but will get on as soon as I can

Relate sessions were really good in the end, but I know I was hanging everything on them and was so emotional when I got there I burst into tears each time. I just wanted them to help us sort it all out NOW but in fact in many ways time was what was needed.

I tried really hard to shut up and not do all the talking in our sessions - i found it useful insight into what was really in Dhs mind and he said it was helpful having a third party there as he then felt he could be open without being responsible for my feelings IYSWIM cos concern for me was preventing him being very open before.

At the time the only time in the week we saw each other was at the session then we went for dinner afterwards to talk about it but then dh always wanted to go back by himself and not see each other in between. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do to be patient through this - but he geninely needed time to process his feelings and come to his own decision. TBH if he had come back under pressure from me I've never have felt totally secure he was back because he wanted to be. Especially given the reason why this happened for us I he had to take back the power he'd lost (power is strong word but you know what I mean)

I think basically you have to let him choose to be with you, Relate can help you understand why it happened and how you can stop problems in the future. At the same time you must make yourself strong and build up the other things in your life, your own self-esteem etc. for your own strength. Completely easier said than done I know.... How long has your DH been away?

Sorry just read your thread again saw it's 6 months.

thanks newbie well dh said that going through this and doing relate would make us stronger and better never expected that, he also talked about when he comes home not if and in actual fact I never mentioned anything about the problems, I wanted to have a nice evening without bringing them up and we did have.

A little bit worried though because he was on computer and I think he may have read some emails which i'm 100% sure I deleted but the appeared in the deleted folder, they were ones I sent to professionals seeking advice about my problems and tbh i was not in a good emotional place at the time, do I tackle this or let it go?