I've recently got out of a 4 year abusive relationship. Never ever in my life have I been described as crazy. Mental. Abusive or anything.
The short story is he was in a 10 year relationship before me. Before her he was in a 4 year relationship. Before her he had a wife and 2 kids.
The wife abused him. I know she is abusive as his kids have told me what she's done to all of them. BUT he was a drinker and a drug user in that relationship and they had so many break ups and fight he was Deffo toxic aswel. The second gf slept with someone else. Don't know the ins and outs. Don't care. He slept with her friend for revenge.
Then the gf before me. He will not say a bad word about her often. Rarely something small will come out like she loved herself. But 9/10 he takes full responsibility that alcohol and his depression was why HE screwed that up. For the first 2 years of our relationship he was in contact with her. But at the same time 2 or 3 people who knew him well warned me that he won't ever get over her but he lost her to his naughty behaviour. Women and alcohol and not contributing tipped her over. She threw him out. Then was there for him as he fell into a suicidal depression. He had on occasion moaned about her snooping through his phone faking being asleep etc. But overall he will not have a bad word said about her.
Throughout our 4 years together he has used dating sites. He has slept with others. He did end it with me for 8 months. He did steal my money. He did lie to me. He did not take me out or buy me birthday gifts. He did not progress with me. He has asked me to bail him out so many times for large weed debts racked up.
I have saved his arse so many times. I've paid for his food and bills. I have kept him off the streets by paying for hotels. I have spoilt him rotten with plants, takeaways and trainers etc. When he got a flat I stepped up bought him curtains and bedding. I have bee a complete selfless kind caring person whilst he has manipulated me with his depression and broke me down over and over again.
I fell out of love with him because he did so many things to hurt me. Left me stranded on a holiday and drove of. His own boss who helped us hire a car for it I called him up in distress when I was stranded. He knew my now ex and the conversation was him telling me to get out of his world before he would drag me down. He told me he's shown my photos to other people. He's slagged me off to rock bottom. His own cousin has begged me to leave him. Which I have now. He's been at me for money this week. This morning he kept calling me. So I snapped and pointed out I had already ended it. He was shouting at me and telling me I always look for problems. He asked me what I've got to be unhappy about and then continued to say I lost him his job. Caused issues in his family and I embarrass him. This is because I have Contacted his family and other women when I know he's doing me wrong or I have reasons to believe he's ill or suicidal.
Anyway today he has told me that if I carry on messaging him he will deal with me and that's a promise not a threat. He argued that I am wrong about him treating others bad. He said his wife abused him. His next gf cheated and he messed up the one before me. He then said I mentally abuse him!!
I know this should not bother me but it does. Why is the 3rd woman on a pedestal??? I have given my all and more to him. She went through his phone and left him for the same reasons as I did. Yet I'm mentally abusive and she's a Saint.
How do I find out if I'm mentally abusive. What have I done?