What the hell is this

[Berrycake1]

My partner is diagnosed with bpd but doesn’t know if this has anything to do with this . He acts funny over a lot of things really and we’ve been spilt up 3 months only just started to try to give things ago again . I’m not sure if this is weird or what or not but I was on the phone to a girl I knew this morning as I had given her a cat so I was checking in to see how the cat was . He was asleep during this time and he had woken up so me and this girl we spoke for about 5 more mins on the phone then I came off the phone to go and sit down . Next thing you know I am trying to watch videos on my phone then I next get a call from another friend but I didn’t answer it because I don’t feel like speaking to be honest . He then moans at me for not picking up the phone to my other friend and says you always speak to people in the morning but don’t pick your phone up when I’m around conveniently and gets all in the mood with me . I don’t get it . I said too him if I don’t want to pick up the phone I don’t want too ? I was in a good mood today but he always ruins the mood for me

Did you wake him up by calling your friend when he was asleep close by?

Is it common for you to not feel like speaking to this particular friend or friends in general? Does he maybe have a point if you perhaps didn't feel like talking because was there. He sounds insecure.

Yes it is BPD related.
It's very difficult to live a person with BPD (I'm separated from the mother of my children, who has BPD). My heart goes out to you here.

Your partner's reaction is due to splitting between feeling safe with you and then not. Micro-actions, e.g. not answering the phone, can trigger that switch between you being perceived as safe, and perceived as a danger, extremely fast.

The best way to work and help a BPD person realise that those perceptions are not real is to work with sensitive, knowledgeable professionals, but unfortunately BPD is only just becoming understood and many mental health professionals just refuse to help (or pretend to help and act against science, which is probably worse than nothing). Three thoughts:

• Inform yourself. Look for good support, read on the topic, don't accept BPD as the death warrant it is sometimes presented as, but take it seriously. Look for sensible, informed, welcoming people to help, either through support groups or professionals.
• Decide how much yo-yoing you're prepared to tolerate. Your partner isn't making up their mind about you: they love you and fear you. You can't fix that, no love will fix that, and science isn't far advanced. This, and how you manage this, will remain a trait of your relationship.
• Be very careful about planning for children. BPD prolongs over generations as its sufferers behave with their children in ways that perpetuate the trauma - fathers with sons and mothers with daughters.

Wishing you the very best.