Going through divorce after 30 years together and am just reflecting on how we are where we are.
Obviously faults on both sides but in hindsight there were many issues from the beginning, which had I recognised as 'red flags' I would have at least paused for thought.
- Very strained relationship with his parents; he never felt loved
- A highly critical mother who was obsessively house proud and would neither set chore expectations or make him feel comfortable in his own home (leaving me with the classic man child)
- Love bombed. When we met at uni
He would regularly turn up unannounced at my house (3 hours away) and stay for days. My own DM would understandably get pissed off but I couldn't see her problem. I thought it was romantic
- very rigid thinking and outspoken. My friends thought he was arrogant I thought he was knowledgeable.
- had very few of his own friends and engineered me minimising contact with mine. Managed to convince me to move to his locality away from my support network despite having none of his own.
- Never content with the present, never satisfied with where we were in life or what we had. We lived in permanent state of turmoil.
Putting it down in writing I can't believe it's taken me this long to leave; the writing was on the wall from the beginning but I stupidly thought if I loved him enough things would be ok.
I have an 18 year old DD of my own now and am so thankful we are able to have much more open conversations about boundaries and warning signs. Just wish I'd had the same knowledge when I was 18 