Never in the mood

[jl421]

I'm 40 years old, been with my partner for 8 years, we have 2 children 6 and 4.
Recently (in the last year or 2) I have totally gone off sex. I just don't want it, at the end of the day I'm always too tired and just don't want to be touched!
My partner obviously knows something's up, and I feel bad but I just don't want to do it. He's got a high sex drive so I make myself do it once a week but I know he'd want it more.
Anyone else feel like this? Or know how you can boost libido? What can I do to help myself?!?

Yes I love him but our relationship is defo suffering. We have next to no physical

Next to no physical contact. No kissing, touching or anything :(

That’s an awful shame 💔. We have had our dry spells over the years, often around the children but since we have both retired we have managed to reconnect physically and emotionally and I still look forward to being with him whenever the mood takes us. But we don’t feel the pressure to perform or keep count and he certainly never pressures me if I’m too tired or have had a long day with the grand children. I hope you can find your way back to this in time Xx

Hi, how’s it going? Any improvement? I feel the same as you - just never in the mood! In our case, we seem to have become emotionally estranged, esp since birth of our child (now 4). We are quite different people & having a kid made that more apparent, so what with the daily chores / tiredness / general monotony that sets in for many people after several years of marriage ;even with ideal partners) it’s hard to feel romantic , at least for me. Sex is the last thing I feel like at the end of the day! I do initiate sometimes just so DH doesn’t feel totally rejected, but I am bored by the whole thing.

what to do? Have you had any counselling / discussion with your husband? We have but I can’t see how to find a resolution to this, when 2 people’s sexual needs are so different & prob won’t change. Basically we need to reconnect emotionally but how …do you love each other, enjoy his company? I think that’s the best start, try to reconnect w/o sex involved, take the pressure off. Women need intimacy & affection first (I know men are the inverse often). With a child involved we don’t want to separate. But I feel I might have to consider an ‘open marriage’ in future so my husband’s needs are met & we’re both happier people. Less than ideal but maybe it’s normal as humans?! Women esp do lose libido quite often with age & this ‘out of synch’ issue has always been around.

Is this something you would consider, if nothing else works to reconnect & bring back more enjoyable sex?