The end

[Kellymama]

What steps do you need to take to leave a relationship when two young children are involved ??

It's not a decision I've come too lightly , battling his ' porn addiction' has been soul destroying for myself , I've tried everything ! And I've found out this morning it's still happening. He's had two previous chances.

Are you married?

No! Engaged , but no legal ties

Can I ask what you mean about 'porn addiction'.

If you're not married, you have no legal ties apart from the children and possibly your house. You can ask him to leave, however, if his name is on the property he doesn't have to leave.

My sister is going through the same right now and it's got very messy.
If you think you can break up with him and he will leave then there are no real issues apart from sorting housing child and financial arrangements

You do what any of us will advise you to do. You’ve gone the hardest part and given your relationship a good enough go.

The cliche is “Get your ducks in a row!”
Take legal advice first. Some solicitors offer free half hour of advice. Ask about that when you phone.
Photocopy all financial/pensions paperwork and keep copies hidden.
Get passports gathered together.
Research benefits options.

Years and years ago I walked away from a porn addicted man. It was emancipating. Just do it.

Basically I found out last year a day of two after I found out I was pregnant with our second child , that he'd been paying for online content via instagram, an app called tango and OF . On confronting him he said it was an addiction , promised he would stop said he didn't know my boundaries on that sort of thing. Three months later he was doing it again . Fast forward to this morning, we're back here again.
( there's been a lot of psychological abuse I would say since as well)
I think it's mostly financial and that I have nowhere to go with my little darlings. So not sure where to start . ( but fully aware I need to make the preparations immediately' )

I agree with pp about getting legal advice.

I just wanted to say you have made a difficult decision but the right decision. So well done you. And all best wishes going forward.

Thank you for your kind reply !

Thank you all for the advice , I never thought about going down the legal route

Whose house is it legally?

Everything is his

Do you have any savings? Are you working or on mat leave?

You need to be able to afford to move out, otherwise you need to build up the running away fund first.

I don't know why pp's are telling you to get a solicitor. You're not married and the house is not yours. You are not entitled to anything except child maintenance. Whatever financial resources you have personally are it, you are not entitled to anything he has.

Hello, I know I'm not entitled to anything , I also don't want anything of his , I was asking for steps in how to prepare to leave , I didn't mention legal action , however would need to consider it with what happens with the children visits etc

I'm working on the building my own money up to leave !

Do you think he would really see his family with nowhere to live. He might be more helpful than you think. I haven’t read all the posts yet so apologies if it’s been said already

That’s good! It would be worth looking into what the CMS calculation is based on his salary. If he’s self-employed it’s more difficult. Either way get copies of documents to evidence his income.

Work out where you’d like to live and what the cost of rent is like.

Also think about childcare options - parents, wraparound, childminder, nursery.

Have an idea what kind of custody arrangements you’d like, and think what he would like. 50/50 may work out well, but it would probably mean no financial support.

If you separate (one of you moves into the spare room) you can start claiming any benefits you’d be entitled to as a single parent. Is the child benefit in your name?

If you are not married and it's his house then the only thing you need to do is look at your own finances.

Are you working? Do you have any savings? Go on rightmove etc and look at rentals for location and how much, then speak to letting agents about the requirements needed such as references and get those in place. Do you have family nearby who could put you up short term or lend you a rental deposit? Is the child benefit in your name?

Look on the benefits calculator to see if you can claim topups and childcare fees etc . Once out you can claim cms off him.

Other than the above was there something specific you are needing pointers for?