He’s checking out, what would you do?

[Inchbeach]

I have been seeing a guy for about 8 months. I have had my doubts about it but chose to keep going as I was hoping that things would improve. We have quite a lot of shared values and most of the time a good rapport.
I have put myself out ( too much) to be helpful in his day to day life. In return he has included me in his family life and social circle.
The smaller details of the relationship are not really important because I believe that it’s now over. Up until just over a week ago we were interacting daily and I was involved in a sudden family health issue that came up for him. This coincided with the start of his 2 week holiday from his work. Last weekend I felt the subtext of his messages were I need some space- in general, nothing referencing us. I gave it until Thursday, checked in with a light message and asked about his family member - who I have met many times and like very much so I am concerned for them. His response was only about the family member. I said sorry to hear that they were still in hospital and said if you need anything let me know.
On Friday evening I looked at his Facebook dating profile- we met on there. I didn’t continue to use it but never deleted his original messages to me. He has updated his profile with new and most definitely recent photos. So his intentions there are clear.
I’m feeling pretty hurt of course but I know that things are over. He owes me a chunk of money, has my DDs last iPhone from when he was without one and he has a debit card of mine which I gave him after an occasion when he’d been left without a card to use. It is a spare account I have which never has more than £100 or so in it. He hasn’t taken advantage of having the card at any point but I have put a stop on it.
So what do I do now? My DD wants the phone, I would like my money. I want to tell him how his silence and the dating profile update is rubbish behaviour. Any suggestions for handling this without issue ? I’m in my 50s, my DDs are in their early 20s. I want to deal with this quickly and to keep any impact on my wellbeing to a minimum as it’s been a tough few years for a number of reasons.
Thank you

Oh dear you've been duped haven't you, I would say, your daughter broke her phone and you need to collect the phone from him and need the money transferred.
You may not get the money back and at least you stopped the card!
Then my advice would be to ditch the cheating, using scumbag, he's stooped really low to take whatever he could from you, taking advantage of you, whilst looking to date other women.

Really sorry to say that it sounds like you’ve been used by a romance scammer. Hes not as blatant as the ones who ask for ££££££ but why on earth have you handed over money, an expensive phone and a debit card?

So many red flags I don’t know where to start.

I would ask him for the money, phone and card bank but maybe accept that he’s scammed you, cut your losses and learn from this.

Number one rule never ever ever ever ever give money to someone you’re only dating. Sadly you’re probably not the only one he’s playing.

@SamW98 @seensome thank you for your responses. You are both right in that I have made some really stupid moves in allowing myself to trust him and give him freely all that I have given.
I don’t believe he is doing this currently with anyone else because of how heavily I have been involved in his day to day life. It is probably more the case that intrinsically he’s not got the same morals I have and has been not even half in with wanting the relationship to work. I was a very convenient support practically and financially.
He has one more week of his holiday left. I believe that his family member is still very unwell in hospital. I need to decide at what point I make contact and how to keep any fall out to a minimum. My DDs have met him, liked him but have already seen how this has affected me and I don’t want them to think people ( men) can do these things without there being consequences.

Op, you're giving too much of yourself to this person and his family.

Softly softly catchee monkey. Don’t go in all guns blazing. Tread water, act normal, be a bit devious until you get phone and ££ back,

Then, hit him with it. No messing, dump him and leave him to his Facebook acquisitions.

I think a blunt message is needed here, not rude, just clear.
"Can you transfer £xxx ASAP & return the phone, thanks".
Sorry this person has crossed your path.

As he hasn't got the best morals, are you sure the family member is that unwell? Or it could be a convenient way for him to create space and you to feel sorry for him.
You could wait until he's back, if he is away! and try to get what's yours returned first then cut him him out your life.

I know the family member is ill. I’m going to sit with my thoughts and not act rashly as the most important thing now is to try to get the money and phone back. The relationship is over. He’s not worth any more of my fretting over as there is no relationship left to salvage.