Guilt of cheating is killing me

[Mixedup21]

Please help. I cheated on long term partner of nearly twelve years. We have 2 DC children together, the youngest being 4 months.
i went out on a work bought out and ended up cheating on her, done everything but sex. There is nothing there then being friends with this woman, I don’t want it to go anywhere.
she knew something was wrong when I didn’t come home and she got it out of me that I cheated on her. She was obviously furious and so hurt, I packed up my things and went to stay at my moms.
Chetaing is one thing I thought I would never do, it’s against everything I believe in and my morals. I honestly can’t look at myself in the mirror and don’t know who I am.
My partner said she was willing to try again, but I just felt so different towards her. It has questioned eveeyrhing I believe in. Before this I would tell her how beautiful she was, how much I loved her and constantly tried touching her for affection. I do think I have been unhappy for a couple of years, not always but sonetimes but never said anything.
I now look at her a just feel this immense guilt, I want those feelings of love back for her but I now think I’m not in love with her. I told her this and she has now ended the relationship.
i just can’t understand why I feel so different about her, is it the guilt eating me up and will this ever go away.

Cool story, bro

Love is not just something you feel, it's something you do. You seem to be confusing love and desire. It might help you find some clarity to think around that, but beyond that
I don't think I can offer you advice about your feelings towards your ex-partner I don't think.

But I can urge you to be the most loving father you can be to your dcs, and always put them first.

🎻

@Mixedup21, are you trying to justify your infidelity by now claiming that you’ve been unhappy for years? That is not an excuse to cheat. Besides, it was up to you to talk to your Partner about those feelings so you could work on the relationship together. How was she to know that you had issues of unhappiness when you were constantly love bombing her?

It was also your responsibility to protect your fidelity. You failed to do that and chose to cheat. You have now decided that you no longer love your devoted Partner and mother of your newborn and older child … the same Partner you were recently love bombing and gushing over. She must feel shattered and destroyed, and my heart goes out to her. You have really done a number on her.

I hope she has a strong support system, but you cannot be that. You are no longer her life Partner and best friend. Your only role now is establishing a workable co-parenting relationship with her and financially supporting your children. I pray that she will regain her equilibrium and strength, and that she will eventually find true happiness with a faithful and loyal man who will love her and your children.

I suggest that you stop feeling sorry for yourself and proactively seek IC to examine your destructive behavior. Knowledge is power and counseling can help you make healthier decisions in your life.

This is your second post on this

@Mixedup21, you started 2 identical threads, so I would keep this one and report the other one (the report button is on the bottom right of your OP) and ask headquarters to delete it.