Is this abuse?

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There have been lots of instances but here is the most recent example...

Watching Gogglebox a few nights ago & a naked attraction segment came on (if you've not seen it, people go on TV with their bits out for a dating show). Partner said 'Let's change over, I don't fancy sitting watching blokes swinging their d**ks around'. He then joked about whether I was watching it because it 'turned me on' and tried touching me to see. I said I wasn't but he carried on and touched me.

Without humiliating myself, I have a normal functioning body and I was moist down below as it had been a 30 degree day and I hadn't showered since that morning, so I had some discharge which I thought was normal for most women. He took that as me being wet because of the tv show which is ridiculous. He instantly went into a mood and stopped talking to me. He then went up to bed. I tried talking to him about it but he was just being off but said he wasn't bothered. I said I cannot help my body doing what it is supposed to do, yet he made me feel dirty and embarrassed for it.

Yesterday I was working from home and somehow his phone is linked to my work laptop - I assume he has used it before and left himself logged into the internet. When I went to change websites his dropdown searches appeared and in the list there was 'partner turned on by naked attraction - should I be jealous?'

I confronted him about it right away and told him that I already explained the situation to him and he should believe me. He said he worries all of the time that I'm going to leave him and he has some insecurity issues.

As I said this is one of many similar occasions and it's making me feel really low. Am I making a big deal of this, or is he acting bizarre? I don't know what to make of it anymore

If you didn't give consent to be touched, that's a big red flag right there.

No it’s weird, and I couldn’t be with someone that insecure. Let alone touching you without your consent and clearly making you uncomfortable.

if this was my boyfriend I would dump immediately.

He touched you intimately without your consent. Why isn't important OP.

He sounds immature and hard work. How long have you been together? I bet he linked his phone and your laptop on purpose.

11 years, 2 daughters and a mortgage. I want to leave, but too scared of how I will cope on my own, I've got nowhere to go

That's awful, OP, I'm sorry. Would you contact Women's Aid?

Aside from the fact he touched you without your consent - which is abusive and assault - his behaviour sounds intolerable. He doesn't get to hide behind the "I'm so insecure" excuse to be abusive. Please seek advice and leave. You and your children deserve so much more.

He has no respect for you at all. Leave him, or your children will feel it's normal for a man to disrespect a woman.

Don't worry about whether things can be defined as 'abuse'; he's disrespecting you, ignoring your words, crossing your physical boundaries, judging you, punishing you... if it's abuse, you leave. If it's not abuse, you leave.

Prioritise that. It's the best lesson you will ever give your children, and yes, it may be hard, but valuable lessons often are.

do people actually ask permission before touching other half? I don’t and neither do they. Obviously there is a time and place for such things but if we are having a kiss and cuddle I don’t ask before moving hands around.

This is deliberately obtuse. OP made it clear she was uncomfortable and he continued.

You are missing the point, and dangerously.

Does it happen a lot? X

The man is totally warped in the head! I mean wtf, touching you down below? He’s got serious problems for that even to cross his mind, let alone check in your pants, let alone google it afterwards! OMG I’m speechless. If you want to carry on in a relationship with this nut job, lord help you. And suggest he gets educated on women’s anatomy before he judges you, the thick idiot.

He needs therapy for his insecurity - dealbreaker/ultimatum.

There's so much wrong with what he did. On the one hand it's pathetically childish and on another it's vile and controlling and weird too. No one should have to tolerate this sort of shit. Start making plans to leave, OP. You may not be able to leave straight away but there's steps you can begin to take.

When he explains himself he always manages to flip it on its head and I begin to question whether I'm over reacting - was it done jokingly? That sort of thing.

He does have a habit of being insecure. Over the last 5 months for example:

• He took my phone while I was sleeping and went through my messages/voice notes with my best friend whom I vent to about his behaviour
• He went on my phone on another occasion and saw I had a thread open on here from another poster talking about fancying someone from work. None of the other details aligned with us (ie relationship length, number of DCs etc...) but he believed because I had it open I must've written it and again he had taken to google to search 'in a relationship for 10 years and fancy other people'
• He Facebook searches any men who like my posts on Facebook even though it's just work colleagues double my age or old school friends.
• He phones me constantly if I am out, or he will phone the people I am with to get ahold of me if I haven't checked my phone.

There are lots of examples like this. I just feel suffocated and like I can't be myself

Yes, you are, you are being abused and controlled

Awful human

Get out asap op

My exh was worse. Examples include tipping my suitcase out to look for proof I had cheated whilst abroad....( In front of my mate. I was a carer for my disabled relative on a religious retreat. Touching me inside after night's out to see if I had cheated.... Ime it won't get better op. Your dd's need to see examples of healthy relationships to have them op. This isn't one.

He sounds vile.

You know this is not a good marriage.

Yes it's scary being a single parent but also scary to stay in a horrible abusive marriage.

You only get one life.

OP there are so many red flags here. The first example you gave us bad enough, but all the rest of it made it even more clearer that this relationship is not healthy. I would contact Women's aid if I was you. You don't even have to talk on the phone they have a chat messaging service. You're partner is trying to control you, it doesn't matter if its because of his insecurities this is abuse.